


Sudden changes

by Ravensoul93



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Body Modification, Drama, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Past Rape/Non-con, Siberia, Super Soldier Serum, Torture, Wakanda (Marvel), Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 45,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravensoul93/pseuds/Ravensoul93
Summary: I really didn't expect much of this day. My ex-boyfriend was supposed to pick up his stuff and I just wanted to visite my brother at work. What I would be pushed into, nobody would have seen this coming. That a secret my brother had kept would change my entire life I would have never guessed. And what about the guy with those blue eyes?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

It’s 7 am and you are listening to Channel 97! What’s up on this beautiful and sunny mor…

Yeah sure, the sunny morning was trickling against the window in heavy drops when I slammed down on my alarm clock. The weather was perfectly reflecting my mood. I sighed heavily. Why on earth did I have to get up this early, since I would not have to head to work until the late afternoon? Max… My dickhead of an ex-boyfriend was going to show up around 8 am to pick up his stuff. Not that the idiot couldn’t have done that while I was out of town, since he had the bright idea of fucking my neighbour.

There was nothing to be done about it. I climbed out of bed reluctantly. Today there was no one whacking their tale for my dog had a sleepover at my colleagues’ house. I didn’t want to have him around together with Max, just not to tempt him into biting my ex. On second thoughts… No!

I quickly brushed my teeth and threw on a pair of old pants and a worn out shirt. It didn’t take me long to throw all of his clothes from the closet onto a forming pile on the floor. I didn’t care if his dress shirts got messed or his perfect white socks got dirty in the process. How did I manage to endure this for so long?

It was not like we didn’t have good times. We had those. In the beginning. Two years ago. I had suspected him cheating for quite some time, but was not able to prove it. I found out by mere coincidence. I just got home from my seminar lecture in Seattle two hours early (yeah, like in those stupid movies). And now guess who just walked out of my neighbours’ apartment to get the newspaper, covered only by a towel? I fought throwing up just thinking about it.  
 _“Honey?! I can explain that! The shower was…” I stared at him in utter disbelief after recovering from the first shock.  
“The shower was broken? Did you want to tell me that? The. Shower. Was. Broken??? You could not have come up with something better? You’re screwing my neighbour and try to sell me our shower was broken?! You lying bastard!” ___

__I changed the locks the same day. I cast a look to the clock and my phone told me that the idiot would have to pick up his stuff from the pavement in a few minutes. 7:58 and no cheating ex-boyfriend to be seen. At least it stopped raining, so I opened the window. Maybe it would be a good day after all. Five – four – three – two – one. Time’s up asshole._ _

__So his dress shirts started flying out through the open window, it was such a satisfying feeling. It took not much more than ten minutes and nearly all of his clothes were gone. I walked over to the window for the last time when I heard a car stopping with screeching tires.  
“Are you insane?” The last pieces of cloth were followed by my response. “I said 8 am not 8:15!” He looked up to me with disbelief.  
“You have completely lost it! I hope you bitch didn’t dare to touch my notebook or I…” I just had enough of it. With a smug grin I was holding up the device.  
“Oh you mean this useless paperweight, honey?” My voice was dripping with poison. Max turned white in an instance.  
“I dare you. I promise I’ll come for you if you drop it!”  
“Whoops!” I watched the notebook fall down onto the pavement._ _

__A passer-by with brown hair and a base cap managed to dodge the notebook just in time to not get bruised by it.  
“I’m going to kill you, you bitch! I’ll beat the shit…” I don’t recall who was more surprised and shocked when the man suddenly grabbed Max by the throat and pushed him up against a lamp post. I did not understand everything he said for my apartment was located on the third storey. What I understood was something about honour and that the cops would show up any minute.  
For a second he looked up at me, those were the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. Without another word he just vanished._ _

__Back then I had no idea that I would see the stranger again very soon. Max threw his stuff and the broken notebook into his car, all the while never stopping cursing. At 11 am he was finally gone._  
I had more than another five hours of time to kill before I had to head to work. Welcome to a nurses’ life.  
What to do with the early day? I could always visit my brother at the office. Some distraction would be nice.  
Next issue, what to wear? Finally I decided it would be black pants, my military boots and my favourite but old AC/DC shirt. Good to go._


	2. Chapter 2

The sunlight was warm on my skin when I left the subway station. Maybe the day wouldn’t be as grey and cold as it had seemed this morning.  
I headed for the huge building complex in a good mood. When I entered it was crowded as usual. I headed straight for the elevators where a man in a black suit was already waiting. Strange that he didn’t put down his sunglasses, maybe some issues with his eyes.  
“You’re going up, Mam?”  
“Ah, yes. 6th floor.”, I responded quickly. I’d grab some coffee before continuing up to the 16th floor.

I left the elevator carrying two cups of coffee. Maybe we could go somewhere to have lunch. As I came closer to my brothers’ office I heard loud voices. A colleague?  
The closer I got, the louder and more heated seemed the conversation inside.  
Slightly irritated I slowed down but didn’t stop. Eyes fixed on the office door I heard sirens, nothing special for New York.

I froze in the doorway. I found it difficult to process what was just happening. The guy I shared the elevator with, was standing in front of my brother. A gun pointed into his face.  
Michael looked pissed, both hands pushed against the desk.  
I did not realize I dropped the coffee until the cups hit the floor. Two pairs of eyes fixed on my. My brother was clearly shocked.  
“For heavens’ sake!! Ann, get out of here, now!!” My brother screamed in utter panic trying to reach for me. Bang! There was no time for me to process anything.

My brother kept screaming for me to leave immediately. On the floors below panic had spread. The stranger now pointed his gun right at me. Michael appeared in front of me and shoved me back into the hallway. Another gunshot brought me back to consciousness.  
“Run.”, Michael whispered while blood was pouring from between his lips.

I don’t know how I managed to turn around and start running. I only remember doing it. Upon reaching the staircase I could hear heavy footsteps following me.  
“I got a witness. Female, around 5.5 tall, clothes in black, hair dyed violet!” Full of fear I realised I had to run like never before. The elevators where no longer an option, they were already to close. The first two floors I was rather falling down the stairs than actually running down.

Oh shit! I had a burning feeling in my sides. I shouldn’t have skipped on the gym. But stopping to run wasn’t any option. On which floor was I? Upon passing by I could see a 10 painted on the wall.  
My brothers’ murderer was still chasing me and from below I could hear heavy footsteps as well. I reached the 9th floor and without thinking I rushed through the door. I knew that there was another staircase, maybe I had more luck over there.  
Blurred I realized that even here it was sheer chaos. Employees running around in panic and I thought I could hear gunshots and screams. Outside a helicopter was passing by and something hit the wall behind me. On pure instinct I let myself fall to my right side, mere seconds before some concrete shot past me.

Just what was happening here? This had to be a nightmare. I must have been falling asleep in the bath tub again. Even if I did not understand what was happening, there was no way I could slow down now.  
I almost reached the staircase when I collided full force with a masked figure, holding up machine gun, landing on my butt. Slightly disoriented I looked up and heard a radio set.  
“I think I got your missing witness, 5-3-12.” I nearly fainted when he leaned down to me and grabbed my arm.  
“Oh honey, you have no idea what you got yourself into.”

My brain fought against letting this happen. I screamed at him and tried to get loose. Without thinking I kicked in his direction. A muffled grunt had me hoping, only to be dimmed again when he hit me in the face. I could taste blood in my mouth.  
“Don’t try that again bitch!” His grip on me tightened and I kicked him again as hard as I could, catching him right between the legs.  
He crumbled with a scream, suddenly letting me go. I tumbled into the nearest wall and I had the feeling something was trickling down my face.  
My attackers’ radio set came to life and I heard him say “9th floor!”

I turned on my heels and started running again. There had to be a way out. My head was aching. I could hear shouting behind me and prayed nobody had seen me. A scream left me, when I was grabbed and suddenly had been pulled into a corridor to the left. Only a second later a hand pressed down on my mouth and three armed men passed by, without noticing us.  
“It’s all right, we’re the good ones.” It was a female voice. I looked up when the person let go of me. The red haired and black leather clad women was crouching down beside me and put a finger to her lips. She reached for her ear and activated her communication device.  
“Hey cap. I got a civilian here on the 9th floor. Could be the one they are hunting down. I just don’t have a clue how to get her out.” There was a moment of silence. “Got it. We’re making haste.”

“Come on, we got to get you out of here.” Still a little shaken I reached out for her hand and we started off to the backside of the building, if I was not mistaken.  
“Boys, we made it. Are you ready?” She stood beside me and waited for the response.  
“Okay honey, you have to trust me. When I say so, you start running and jump through that window over there.” She looked at me serious and pointed towards the huge windows covering the whole wall.  
This had to be a joke. We were on the 9th floor. Even if I made it through the glass, I would not survive the fall!  
“I…” I was not able to continue my sentence. Behind us the noise was rising and I could hear gunshots again.  
“Now!” I was shoved forward and started running. What was the alternative? I had nothing to lose. The window burst penetrated by a bullet and I jumped. I fell down screaming at the top of my lungs.


	3. Chapter 3

The air around me was cold. Jumping through the window wasn’t the worst part, it was the fall. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. There was so much pressure on my body, I couldn’t breathe anymore.  
The lack of oxygen made me feel dizzy. I had the feeling I was falling forever.

Out of nowhere my fall came to an end. The remaining air was knocked out of my lungs upon colliding with a massive body. On pure instinct I held on tight. Shattering glass was cascading all around us and I held on as tight as possible.  
The impact never came. I opened my eyes, realizing we must have been a couple of floors further down the building. It looked exactly like the open space I just had left through the window.

“Mam? You can let me go now.” The calm voice in my left ear made me realize I still clung to his body. I quickly let go and would have hit the floor if the person in front of me had not grabbed me instantly. Oh. My. God. I knew exactly who was standing in front of me.

“Steve? Steve?! Are you there Steve?” I thought I could hear the voice of the redhead.  
“I got her Natasha. Go get Banner and retreat. Sam and Barnes are somewhere here on my floor.” I swallowed heavily. Standing right in front of me was Captain America.  
I wasn’t able to form one coherent thought, even if my life depended on it. My brain refused to process all that was happening.

He looked at me and carefully touched my forehead.  
“It’s not deep but still bleeding a little. Do you know what happened, Mam? Are you working here?” I needed a few seconds to understand what he just said.  
“I… No. I mean I’m fine. My brother… Dead…” My voice died down and I felt dizzy. He took my face in his hands and leaned down to me.  
“I understand that it is a lot to take in right now. But you need to stay focused and trust me. Can you do that for me?” I managed to nod my head.

“Ok, that’s good. You stay behind me. When I tell you to do something, I need you to do so without question.” I nodded again as if I was in some kind of trance.  
Slowly and very carefully we made our way through the corridors. Whenever we came upon a crossing he would have me stay behind and motion for me to follow after he cleared the path ahead. That way we managed to get close to the elevators where we crouched down behind a broken in wall. A sound to my right made me hold my breath.

“Damned Rogers, where have you been?” A man with darkened skin was coming our way.  
“Natasha had some issues up on the 9th floor. We might have found the witness.” He nodded my way and the second man acknowledged me with a firm nod. I could not do much at that moment. I just tried to stay conscious which was getting harder by the minute.  
“Barnes is checking out the floor beneath us.”  
“Let’s go.” Steve replied carefully ushering me forward towards the staircase by pushing onto my lower back.

Down on the next floor a man was already waiting for us. He had long brown hair and a mask covered the lower half of his face. His left arm reflected the dim light that still made its way through debris and dust. He looked up when we engaged him.  
“Your new girlfriend, Falcon?” he asked with an amused snort. Something about him was familiar, apart from him obviously working with the avengers.

“She is the witness, Bucky.” The Captain replied before the addressed on could come up with an answer. The longhaired guy looked me up and down. His face was in the shadows, so whatever the reaction was I could not see it.  
“Fine by me. As long as she stays out of my way.” I could not help myself and an annoyed snort escaped my mouth.  
“What was that, doll?” he mocked me without giving me a second glance.

“That’s enough. Time to get out of here. Natasha and Banner should have made it out by now. Clint is covering us from across the street and the police have secured the outside of the building. What’s our status Bucky?” Back to his role as a soldier he answered.  
“We got two more floors underneath us. Difficult to tell how many of them are still here. We are not going to make it out without a fight. If we make it to the next staircase without any trouble it will get messy down there almost certainly. I have no idea what you were thinking how you could get the civilian out without a scratch. She doesn’t seem like she is capable of looking out for herself.”  
“She is my burden. So let’s go.”

We got moving, always staying low. Barnes and the man he called Falcon moving ahead of us. Steve had me tucked in under his right arm to stabilize me and the same time being able to cover my back with his shield.  
We reached the next staircase without facing any problems. I wondered why this stupid building had all the lower staircases separated.  
There was a crunching sound on our left side and suddenly everything happened so fast. I could hear the Falcon cursing and Steve pushed me behind his back when we were suddenly surrounded by armed men.

“Stay down!”, came the order towards me. As if I had anywhere to go with all the bullets being fired at us. I only heard what happened, I was too scared to watch. Someone grabbed my arm.  
“Stay low and get over to Barnes and Wilson next to the staircase. I’m covering your back. Go!” I didn’t think. I just headed for the given direction trying to stay as low as possible. They were squatting at the entrance to the stairs, waiting for us to catch up. I took a deep breath. Only two meters left.

Both looked at me, eyes wide open with shock. An excruciating pain shot through my body and I nearly fainted. I screamed in pain.  
“Shit!”, I could hear Steve behind me. Before I knew what happened, I was lifted off the ground and heading down to the next floor. I could feel the blood soaking my jeans. The pain in my calf was almost unbearable.  
“Damn! They encircled us!” I could hear Barnes, his voice a bit muffled.

I was put down very carefully still a new wave of pain washed over me.  
“Bucky! I might have an idea. But I need you to get her out to Banner, before she bleeds out. Her calf isn’t that bad, but her thigh is making me worried, it won’t stop bleeding.” Steve frowned thoughtfully.  
“No way am I leaving you behind!”  
“Sergeant Barnes that was not a request but an order from your superior captain!” The soldier growled at him but still he obeyed.  
“Damn you Rogers…”

He kneeled down beside me and gave my leg a quick once over look. More gentle than I would have given him credit for he put the metal arm under my legs and put the other arm around my upper body.  
“Hold on tight doll.” He muttered upon getting up again. I winced and threw my arms around his neck. The tips of his long hair were brushing my face as he turned to face Rogers.  
“So what’s your plan?”  
“Quite simple. The two of us will clear the path and as soon as there is enough of an opening, you run for it.”

I could only partially follow their conversation. I felt so tired and got colder by the minute. Without second thought I nestled closer into the soldiers’ warm chest. He tensed up and looked down at me.  
“We should hurry. Watch your back buddy.” He gave the Captain one final look.  
“Hey doll, you have to hold on a little while longer.” I only muttered, I had no strength left to answer properly.

The next couple of minutes were a blurry mess of gunshots, curses and jerky movements.  
“Now Bucky!” All of a sudden we were outside. In a blur I could see some police officers.  
“Banner!” the soldier shouted and passed by the officials without a second glance. His voice vibrated through my entire body.  
I didn’t have the strength to hold on much longer. He instantly noticed my grip loosening.  
“No, no, no, no. You have to hold on, doll. We almost made it… BANNER!!!” As if hidden by a veil I could see the redhead and another guy running in our direction. Someone touched my leg and I screamed out my pain at the top of my lungs.  
The last thing I saw was a pair of blue eyes, burning themselves into my very soul. Finally everything vanished into darkness and I went limb.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a dull roar in my head. The sheets were harsh against my skin. So it was a dream after all. A very terrible and very realistic dream. Something was odd. I frowned. Everything was aching. The scent was wrong. I wasn’t at home. Where the hell was I?

I struggled to get my eyes open. It took a few moments for my sight to clear up. A white room. Technical devices all around me. Oh shit! I was in a hospital! No, no, no. This had to be some kind of joke!

“Hey, good to see you’re finally waking up, angel.” The sound of his voice made my insides turn.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked flatly and tried to figure out what to do.  
“What a little fool you are… Did you really think I wouldn’t find you?” My panic was rising. Haven’t I gone through enough already for today? Hot tears started to roll over my face. I screamed in terror when he reached out for me.  
“What’s wrong sweetheart? Everything is fine. I’m here now. I’m going to take good care of you, as soon as I am taking you home in a few minutes.”  
“No!” With eyes wide open I tried to slip away from him. I lost my balance and tumbled to the ground. The infusion was ripped out of my arm and trickled down onto the greenish floor.

“What are you doing? You are not afraid of me are you? You will feel much better as soon as you take your medication again, honey.” He walked around the bed.  
“No! Don’t touch me! Stay away you goddamned monster!” I slipped back further, now panicking. I tried to ignore the excruciating pain in my leg the best I could, just too afraid to care.  
Why wasn’t anybody helping me? Somebody had to have heard me screaming.

“Everything’s going to be all right. I’ll just…” Somehow I got a hold on the cart holding up the monitoring and pushed it in his direction.  
“Stay away from me! Anybody just help me, please!” The cart crashed to the ground creating a lot of noise.  
“I’m starting to lose my patience with you. We have been over this again and again. But I’m a good husband. We will deal with this once we get home… Darling…” That’s it, I thought.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Buckys’ POV:

They were still waiting on the doctors. The emergency-surgery had finished and they still didn’t know anything. Fury had insisted that Romanov, Banner and himself came here and stayed until she was conscious.  
“What’s taking so long, Banner? You’re a doctor, why is nobody here since they are already done with her?”  
“For the 100th time Barnes… I. Don’t. Know.” He was pinching his nose in order to stay calm.  
“Okay boys. That’s enough. Bruce why don’t you grab a cup of coffee? The big one had enough fun for one day. And Barnes you just sit down and shut it.” Even if she was small both men respected her too much to argue.

When a nurse with a cart full of medicine passed by Barnes made her stop nevertheless.  
“Excuse me Mam. You wouldn’t be able to tell us if one of the doctors was available? Since the emergency surgery has been finished an hour ago.” With what she must think of as to be a very intoxicating smile, the nurse answered.  
“Oh he will be here any minute. He got hold up by another patient. But the husband is waiting with the woman, so there is nothing to worry about.”

He tensed up immediately. Her husband? They didn’t grant anyone access.  
“Bucky? What’s wrong?” Natasha approached him concerned.  
“Someone is with her right now!” He grabbed se scared nurse by her arms.  
“Which room?!” She looked at him in utter confusion. “WHICH ROOM, GODDAMNED?!”  
“108!” she shrieked in panic.  
Without another glance towards the others he let go of the nurse, turned on his heels and darted down the hallway towards the staircase to the first floor.  
“What the hell, Barnes?” shouted Banner as he and Romanov tried to follow up.

He took two steps at a time. Dove into the hallway to his left. He didn’t need to pay attention to the room numbers, he already heard her.  
“Stay away from me!” her high pitched voice had travelled all the way through the long hallway. Something hit the floor creating a loud noise.  
He reached the room. Without wasting any time he crashed his metal shoulder into the door, throwing it off its hinges.

The scene in front of him was somewhat surreal. The women pressed into the corner of the room, clearly in total panic, the hospital shirt only loosely covering up her body. Her eyes were shadowed with tears. Blood was dripping down from where the infusion had been installed as well as from her injured leg.  
On the floor lay the shattered monitor, the bed had been thrown over. Hovering above her was a man with a mad look on his face as he turned in confusion upon the noise.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The door was smashed out of its hinges and collided with the wall. Confused his attention shifted from me towards the door.  
The longhaired soldier stood in the doorway and tried to understand what was just happening in front of him. Pleadingly I looked at him.  
“Help…” I whispered and despite the pain I pressed myself harder into the rooms’ corner. Something in the soldiers’ eyes changed, with a growl he went for the thrown off guard intruder and pulled him away from me with full force. He collided with the wall and came to lay on the floor unconscious.  
At the same time the redhead and the man who had to be Banner came storming in.  
“What…?” Banner ran past the women and caught Barnes before he could throw himself at the passed out man. All the while Natasha kneeled down in front of me.

“What happened here? Did he hurt you?” I wasn’t able to answer. I jerked back when she tried to touch me.  
“Honey I need to take a look at how bad you are hurt.”  
“No!” I just found my voice. She couldn’t touch me. He couldn’t touch me. He shouldn’t even be here. Both men turned around when I screamed out.  
“I might need your help boys. She won’t let me touch her.” She looked at her comrades.  
“Best if Banner helps you. I don’t think I would be much of a help.” Barnes stated quietly and looked down at his left arm.

“I’ll give it a try. Hey. I won’t touch you. But you have to talk to me, all right?” He crouched down in front of me, holding up his hands in a way I could see both. The second he did I winced and tried to retreat further. Desperately I tried to catch the soldiers’ eyes but he had them shut and was trembling seemingly fighting for control.  
“Barnes.” He didn’t react.  
“Sergeant Barnes! We might need your help after all.” He opened his eyes but continued staring at the floor. The redhead walked over and put her hand on his metal arm.  
“Bucky… At least give it a try, please. When we try to approach her she always looks at you.” He let out a deep sigh.  
“What if I make it worse? Just look how scared she is.”  
“Please, give it a try. We have to do something. You don’t really think she is going to let the doctors touch her, do you?” He sighed again and shifted his gaze towards me.

Those blue eyes. Eyes fixed on mine he slowly approached me. I couldn’t explain why, but the closer he got the more my panic began to fade away. Only a short distance away he crouched down, eyes still fixed on my face. Somehow I was caught up in their blue.  
“Remember me, doll?” he asked carefully with his rough voice. I slightly nodded my head.  
“That’s not enough. You need to talk to me, little one.” I opened my mouth and closed it again without a sound leaving me. I tried again.

“The soldier from the office.” He gave me a little smile.  
“Yes. The soldier. May I sit next to you?” I hesitated for a second before I gave him a small nod.  
Very slowly and carefully, as if he didn’t want to make me jump out of my skin, he sat down next to me. His comrades just stood in the doorway, completely motionless. And he still didn’t move.  
The soldier just sat there beside me. Not talking at all. His breath was calm and steady. I realized that my own breathing synchronized with his. I finally was able to calm down.

Tears were welling up in my eyes when I finally realized what situation I was actually in. I went completely limp and let myself sink against the man to my left. Still carefully he put his arm around me.  
“How do you feel about getting up and letting a doctor check on your leg again, doll?” I began shivering upon thinking about to have to get away from him. He noticed right away.  
“You don’t want to or you can’t?” I took a deep breath before answering, my voice only a little more than a whisper.  
“I can’t get up. I can’t walk past him. I…” My voice broke away and hot tears dropped down onto the soldiers’ pants and shirt. He let out a sigh and thought about it for a moment.

The other two were still standing at a good distance away from us and he shot them a look, that told them to stay there.  
“Let’s try something else.” He muttered. Without letting go of me he got up and pushed his arm under my legs.  
“You know the game doll. I take care of you and you just hold on tight. We’re good?” he whispered before completely getting up.  
Instead of answering I put my arms around his neck once more. He got up very carefully. When we walked past him on the ground I got excited. Even if he didn’t move now, there was no guaranty he wouldn’t jump up any minute.

The soldier was aware of me getting nervous. “Hey, look at me. Not him. Only me. As long as I am here, he cannot harm you.” His voice was warm and firm. I pushed myself to look up at him. There they were again, those extraordinary blue eyes. And then we reached the door and his comrades.  
“May I take a look at your leg, sweetheart?” the redhead asked with a little smile. I slowly nodded and buried my face in the soldiers’ neck. I didn’t want to look at my leg.

“Just as I feared. The wound has opened again. We should…” she got interrupted by the man carrying me.  
“Doll? Hey…” his dark voice was muffled and I could feel myself go limp in his arms once more.


	5. Chapter 5

Dazed I woke again. Everything was lit up. Maybe the sun. I growled reluctantly, still I tried to open my eyes. I was expecting the worst but nothing happened.  
I looked around carefully. The redhead was sitting in a chair next to the window, skimming through a magazine that seemed to be in Russian.

“He is not here, sweetheart. He is gone. And gone he shall stay.” She cast me a smile and put aside her magazine. She got up from the chair and walked towards me.  
“Don’t worry, I am not going to scream again.” I told her with a dull voice. I felt like the literal thing the cat dragged in.  
“Nobody is mad at you. Extreme situations make us act strange sometimes.” She took me hand into hers’ reassuringly.  
“Where…?” my voice cracked.

“Not in the hospital anymore. We upgraded you just a little bit.” The voice came from the door. Him I knew instantly for I had often seen him on television. Tony Stark aka Iron Man was smiling at me in a friendly manner.  
“Still a little bit sleepy, aren’t we? Well, that doesn’t matter much for you will not be leaving this room any time soon. At least not until you are at least able to sit up without giving us a heart attack.” I looked at him in confusion.  
“What grandpa here was trying to say: It is good to finally have you awake and take it easy, sweetie.” The redhead giggled.  
“Exactly what I said, Miss Romanov.”

A metal voice interrupted their bickering. “Sir. The laboratory test results are completed. And Miss Potts suggested for me to remind you not to make this awful joke you were planning.” Tony let out a deep sigh.  
“This woman is determined to cut me off of all fun. Thanks Friday.”

I observed him quietly. He was a total different person than depicted on television. Less arrogant in fact. Something crossed my mind.  
“My dog! And I have to call work, explain why…”  
“Already taken care of.” Tony interrupted me. “You’re taking a leave of absence and your dog should be out with Barnes, Rogers and Wilson.”  
I leaned back into the pillows while the information slowly sank into my brain.  
“Michael?” I whispered while tears started to cloud my vision. Both agents looked at their feet.  
“The funeral has been set up for next week.” The redhead replied. I bit my lower lip and nodded.

I felt dizzy again. The pieces of this big and confusing puzzle didn’t fit together at all.  
“What is the meaning of all of this? Just what happened?” I asked.  
“I think it still is a bit early for that. We will talk about it once you have recovered some more.” I nodded. Probably it was for the better, I could feel that I was drifting of again.  
“Rest, kid. You’re safe now.” Tony squeezed my shoulder and left.

The next few days were all together pretty much the same. Most of the time I slept anyways. Banner took care of my leg on a regular basis. Both my calf and my thigh had been pierced by a handful of bullets.  
They explained to me that Tonys’ so called upgrade meant that I had been transferred to the Stark tower.  
Even when I wasn’t allowed to leave my room yet, I was visited quiet often. Especially With Natasha I felt real close real fast, not that the others weren’t just caring as much as she was.

There was only one who hadn’t shown his face yet. Barnes…  
“Hey Steve?” The Captain looked my way. He had been sitting next to me with a book in his hands, just keeping me company as he often did.  
“Yes?” I swallowed hard.  
“How is it that you all always come here? I mean except for…”  
“Barnes?” I looked at him and nodded. Steve let out a sigh.  
“I’m sorry. It’s just… He carried me out of that building and the incident in the hospital… And now he isn’t even showing up. Did I do something wrong?” Steve larger hand engulfed mine.  
“You didn’t do anything. It isn’t really about you anyways. He is… Look, Bucky is my best friend. We have known each other since we were in diapers. Terrible things happened to him and he still struggles to adapt to this new life. It’s not that easy for him. What he did in the hospital, it took its toll on him.”

Even if I didn’t understand what had happened to him, I understood that it must have been traumatic. I knew my way around those experiences. I cast the thought aside.  
“I think I will take a nap. Will you stay for a while longer?”  
“Of course I will. I’ll wake you up when Banner is ready to see you.” I smiled at him thankfully and curled up on my side. I didn’t let go of his hand until I fell asleep again.

Upon waking up I could hear muffled voices. One belonged to Rogers. He must have risen from his seat and walked towards the door for my hand now was empty.  
“She asked for you. She doesn’t understand why you are the only one not to visit her.” Were they talking about me?  
“I visit and make sure she is all right.”  
“Only when she is not awake. I tried explaining it to her. But you cannot avoid her forever.” I paid close attention to what they were saying, which was difficult for they kept their voices very low.  
“I can’t Steve. In the hospital it was a different situation. I can trust you guys. I don’t lose control around you. You should have seen the look in her eyes when I snatched that guy away from her. What do think her reaction would be when she sees me? Most certainly she would look at me with the same terror in her eyes she looked at him with. A monster!”  
I could almost feel the pain behind those words. It tore at my heart to hear him speak like that.

“You don’t know that Bucky.”  
“What if I am right? After all she has been through, who am I to put her through that?” he bit back. A dull ache in my leg made let out a low moan.  
“She is waking up. I’m down in the workout room.” Heavy footsteps were leaving and Steve walked my way when I finally opened my eyes.  
“How are you princess? Need anything?” I rubbed my eyes and shook my head.  
“Come on. Banner is ready. If you’re lucky you get rid of your stitches today.” He grinned at me.


	6. Chapter 6

“That was the last one. I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything against the scars.” Banner smiled apologising. With a deep sigh I looked down to my left leg. The streak shot along my shin would leave a shallow scar, as well as several little circles where the bullets had pierced my leg. My thigh was the worst. There were several smaller wounds. And the big one, where the bullet had come through and nearly disrupted the great artery. Nat was sitting down beside me and put her arm around my shoulders.  
“It will be all right, sweetheart. They won’t stay that way forever. You won’t even see the smaller ones in a few weeks.”  
“But this disgusting hole will always be visible and remind me that my brother had to die because of me.” I replied bitterly.

“Natasha I am sorry, I…” After her first shock she smiled at me.  
“It’s okay, Ann. We all have scars and injuries that remind us of horrible things. Look at Barnes. He…”  
“Romanov!” Rogers cut in. In a much calmer voice he added: “We are not in the position to talk about that. That is something he has to do.” She smiled as if nothing had happened.  
“Well, now that you are officially healed, who wants to go for some ice cream?” I had to smirk. I really didn’t have a clue how someone so small could just eat so much food and sweets without bursting her delicate frame.  
“Yeah, you’re right. Breakfast was 30 minutes ago, why wouldn’t we be hungry.” Bruce laughed at her. But the ice cream would have to wait.

“Mr. Stark would like to see everyone in the conference room in about ten minutes.” Fridays’ voice cut the discussion down.  
“No ice cream for Natasha.” The woman stuck her tongue out towards Steve, which made everyone burst into laughter.  
“You want the wheelchair or shall I carry you, princess?” Steve looked at me and I grimaced at him.  
“Even if it is quite nice being carried bridal style, I’d prefer crutches. I’ve been moving around in that stupid wheelchair long enough now.” Everyone was looking at Banner now.  
“Have your way. But take it easy. As long as you are still dependant on the crutches, no unnecessary workout for you.” I bit back a comment, but decided that maybe I should consider to work out once I was able to walk alone.

Five minutes later I was panting while leaning against the elevators’ wall.  
“I really need to start working out.” I thought out loud. I put on my brightest smile when the doors opened.  
“What are you waiting for? Don’t you tire out on me.” Of course Tony was already waiting on us. Next to him was standing an elder man, his left eye covered by a black patch.

“Glad everyone could make it. Where is Barnes?” Tony looked at everyone.  
“He needed to take care of something.” Steve commented dryly. Somehow that had a quite familiar feeling to it. Was this typical for him not to show up while the others were having a meeting?  
I shot a questioning look towards Natasha and she just shrugged. So it wasn’t normal that he was absent after all.  
“Well whatever. Ann, this is Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. You haven’t officially met yet. I think it is time to explain to you…”  
“Explain to me why my brother is dead? Why my life has suddenly become some sort of jigsaw with nearly every part missing? I have been here for almost two weeks now and nobody is telling me anything. My brother is dead and I don’t even know why!” I almost screamed the last part and some single tears were running down my cheeks. Nat and Steve simultaneously grabbed my hands but I just couldn’t stand the skin to skin contact right now.

“First of all you need to understand that he wasn’t your brother.” I stared at Fury in utter disbelief.  
“You’re kidding me right?!” The sentence slipped past my lips before I could stop it. I laughed embarrassed. “This is a joke. But not a good one. My brother is not my brother, right. What’s next? Am I some kind of alien? Or even better! I am a fucking unicorn and start shitting rainbows in a second?!”  
My voice was practically tumbling over. Was I the only one who thought that this was not funny and asking herself who needed to be brought straight to the madhouse? The hysterical bitch or the one-eyed boss?

Everyone was looking at me embarrassed. Fury waited for me to calm down a little.  
“Stark.” I fixed my gaze on Tony.  
“I’m sorry kid, sadly this is not a joke. You have been put up for adoption a few days after your birth. Nobody ever told you because it didn’t matter to your new family. Your brother just found out a few years back. He wasn’t allowed to tell you. If you had tried to find your origins, someone might have tried to find you.” I looked at him. I needed time to let it sink in.  
“What does this even mean? If he knew I was adopted, why wasn’t he allowed to tell me? It wouldn’t have changed anything, I never knew another family, it wouldn’t have mattered where I came from. And what does this have to do with his death? He only worked for a small insurance company.”  
“He was one of us. He was part of the local crisis operations management.” That was the next blow to my face. I gulped.  
“But… I don’t understand. How could I not know? He couldn’t have kept that from me. I knew some of his colleagues, organized paramedical courses for the personal department… I should have noticed something to be off.”

My head was spinning. I just processed what had happened and now I was facing the even bigger mess. My entire life felt like a lie right now.  
“And… And my… ‘parents’?” I whispered. The answer didn’t take long.  
“S.H.I.E.L.D. We know very well how to camouflage our agents, Miss Evans. Even in front of those closest to them. You have never been alone. We always knew where you were. Except for the three years in Mexico when you…”  
“Enough!” My fist hit the table. Tears clouded my vision. I didn’t want to talk about Mexico. Breathing felt harder every second. I had the feeling I was suffocating. Someone was holding a paper bag in front of my face and patted my head. I couldn’t even say who told me to breath deep. Time after time. Until my vision cleared and I could breathe again.

I looked up. Only Steve and Natasha were still with me.  
“I think that was enough for one day.” Gently Steve lifted me out of my chair. I didn’t struggle, I had no strength left. Nat made me look at her.  
“What do you think about taking you back with us down to the living space? The two of us could cuddle up on the couch and watch some meaningless romantic movies and eat tones of ice cream. I don’t think you should be alone right now. You’ve been in that room long enough anyways.”  
I looked at her as if I was stunned. I nodded anyways, she was putting so much effort into it.  
“That’s a yes then. The boys and I were going to have a few rounds of pool. Just come over if you feel like it.” I looked between both of them.

Tears made their way down my face. “Thank you both. You don’t need to…”  
“No we don’t. We are a family here. Not only the two of us care about you, sweetheart.” I felt a bit better upon hearing that. In the meantime Steve already started to walk towards the living space.  
Maybe the two were right. I shouldn’t be alone right now.


	7. Chapter 7

We entered the living space through the generously cut kitchen. Almost everyone had gathered there. Clint obviously had returned home to his kids. Everyone was looking up upon us entering.  
Even Barnes was here. My heart stopped for a second. I hadn’t seen him since the incident in the hospital.  
He sat at one corner of the kitchen table and had seemingly taken apart a weapon. When we entered, well when Natasha and Steve entered for I was once more carried, he looked up as well. His eyes stayed on me for a second before darting back to his work.

I motioned for Steve to let me down. Before he could disappear on me again I closed in on him.  
“Hey… Do you think we could maybe talk? I would like to…” He looked at me hurriedly.  
“I don’t have time for that shit!”, he exclaimed and quickly took off. I stood completely perplexed beside the table. Whatever it was with him, it was starting to get worse every time. I had hoped that maybe I would understand him if I just could talk to him.  
“Give him some time. At first he hasn’t talked to anyone but Rogers. Let alone look anybody straight in the eyes. Welcome back to the living!” Sam threw his arm around me und ruffled through my hair.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Buckys’ POV:

Slowly the others had returned to the living space while he was sitting at the kitchen table and disassembled his machine pistol for the fifth time to clean it. He didn’t answer to the question why he had not attended the meeting.  
He could hear them talking about what had happened upstairs. Rogers and Romanov apparently had stayed behind with the woman after she had nearly fainted.

It somehow made him angry. If he had been there that wouldn’t have happened. He looked up when he heard a small noise. Natasha strolled into the kitchen. Behind her followed Steve an… His stomach dropped two floors. His friend was carrying HER.  
She was pale and looked exhausted. He got anxious when their eyes met. As fast as possible he put his weapon back together and wanted to leave.  
Damned! She already stood in front of him. He didn’t quite catch what she was saying when he looked down at her. He only understood that she wanted to talk.  
“I don’t have time for that shit!”, he heard himself answer and fled the kitchen.

Out in the hallway he leaned against the wall breathing heavily and staring up at the ceiling. Someone was leaning against the wall next to him. He didn’t need to see who it was, he already knew.  
“Are we going to talk about it Buck?” He didn’t answer and kept staring holes into the ceiling.  
“Fine. Then I will do the talking. How long do you intend to keep torturing yourself? What Hydra did to you was horrible. But it is over. You did not commit those murders. You cannot keep blaming yourself. You got a whole new life ahead of you. Do you want to waste it by telling yourself every day you don’t deserve it? How many people did you save during the last months? God Bucky! The girl only lives because of you! And you still want to be the one to be blamed for what happened in the hospital?”  
Steve looked sadly at his best friend. He sighed and finally looked at him.

“I can never get rid of the blood that is on my hands. Even if it was Hydras’ responsibility, I was the one to pull the trigger. This…” he hit his left arm. “This is what they made me into. A weapon. A monster without conscious. Every day I am afraid that they find a way to bring back the Winter Soldier. I regret to not have died in the ice back then every single day. So many would still be alive! Tonys’ parents would still be alive! It doesn’t matter what I do, how many I save, I can never erase that guilt! And don’t you dare talk to me about letting go, Steve. We both know that you still blame yourself for everything that has happened to me. You know that I would never put that burden on your shoulders. But you take it anyways, every time we have this conversation.”

“Yes I blame myself for not searching for you until I had found your corpse. Hydra would have never found you. They wouldn’t have broken your will. They wouldn’t have made you kill. But I don’t wake up screaming, Bucky. You have to find a way to deal with it or it will kill you sooner or later.” Rogers agreed to him.  
“I still can’t talk to her. She is equally traumatized. I am bad for her. Even if I was able to talk to her… What if I lose control and hurt her? Do you think I could forgive myself?”

“You should come and play with us tonight. Natasha and Ann might even join us. Nothing will happen if we are all there. Do you remember how impossible it seemed to you to live with us in the beginning? And now you’re joining us in the kitchen, watch movies and have fun. Bucky… I’ll always have your back. You don’t have to do this alone.” He looked at his best friend and nodded.  
“Fine. If you’re there, I’ll be too, Rogers.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“Another movie?” I nearly jumped out of my skin when Natasha asked me.  
“Huh?” She started giggling.  
“Where have you been with that head of yours?” I looked at her. I couldn’t really tell her that more than my upside down family situation had thrown me less off guard than Barnes’ behaviour, could I? We were sitting in the living room, the boys had either gone to take a nap or were working out.  
“I…” I sighed.  
“You don’t need to tell me. You had a lot to take in today, it is okay to be thinking about it.” She smiled and was already searching for another movie to watch. I wasn’t even able to tell what we had just watched. On the other hand it was always the same. Girl loves boy – he doesn’t recognize her – they fall in love anyways – then she wants to back out – the make up in the end. I tried not to throw up.

“I just don’t understand why Barnes is acting so strange. He saved my life the other day. And in the hospital he somehow managed to get through to me. And now? He avoids me whenever possible. You just saw it yourself.” She looked at me and put the remote on the table while turning in my direction and taking my hands.  
“Honey, he doesn’t mean anything by it. He lives through some horrible things and I think he hasn’t even started to sort things out halfway through. It took a lot of time for him to trust us after Steve brought him back. He is afraid that his past might catch up to him at some point and that he then might hurt someone he really cares about. Give him some time.”

“Steve told me almost the same. Being afraid of your past is something I can relate to.” I sighed heavily.  
“Mexico?” she asked almost shy. I swallowed and just nodded my head.  
“You want to talk about it?” I refused by shaking my head. Mexico was something I really didn’t want to talk about under any circumstances.  
“Well, than we are watching ’27 dresses’!”  
I just loved her for that. She knew when it made no sense to keep pushing. I pulled the blanket up to my chin and tried to concentrate on the movie this time and not let my mind wander towards the man with the blue eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

About three hours and two movies later the two of us were still sitting on the couch while eating ice cream.  
“Okay… Just tell me once more why those movies are supposed to be so great. The vampire is sparkling in the sun and only drinks animal blood, she practically hurts herself while getting out of bed and the wolf has absolutely no idea what he wants?” Natasha almost choked on her ice cream. I didn’t get the fuzz about those Twilight movies.  
“Can’t we just watch Blade? There the world is still following the rules. Vampires are evil and get killed.” She had to laugh even harder than before.

“Hey girls. We’re about to start playing. You want to join us?”  
“Oh please yes! I won’t survive if she punishes me with another of those stupid Twilight movies!” I exclaimed and Sam looked confused between Natasha and me.  
“Is this a girl thing? Because I don’t get what you are talking about.” We both started laughing.  
“Yes Sam, we will join you. But I want to just watch first, I haven’t played in years.”

“Great. If the ladies would just follow me.” Well-mannered he showed the way by waving the bag of chips. Still giggling we followed him. Steve greeted us happily. Tony and Banner were having some sort of discussion.  
“Great to see you on your own two feet little one.” Clint smiled and pulled me into one of his bear hugs.  
“Hey Barton. You got to roam free?” He started laughing.  
“Almost. The kids are staying with their grandparents. So prepare to lose, I am the only one winning tonight.”

I smirked. Even I had heard that he was an amazing archer but playing pool wasn’t one of his strength. Quickly they had put together teams of two and I decided to just watch for a while. Steve and Sam were now playing against Clint and Natasha. So I decided to put myself onto the couch next to Tony. He had kind of a fatherly attitude to him and so I didn’t mind him putting his arm around me.  
“I’m sorry for how it went down today, kid. You shouldn’t have found out about your family like that.” I just put my head against his shoulder.  
“It’s fine. I don’t think there is a right way to tell something like that. It was just too much. But Nat did everything she could to snap me out of it.” We watched the others play for a while. Finally Tony decided we needed some music and I really loved his taste.

“If there is some piece of music you like, feel free to choose from the data.” Tony was calling to me from the bar. He didn’t have to tell me twice.  
“Great, another one of those to deal with!” Clint joked from behind the pool table, which was retaliated by a smack to the back of his head by Natasha, when the first notes of Metallicas’ ‘Master of Puppets’ started to fill the room. Smirking I leaned over the screen of the music device and scanned through what else was there.

“I’m sorry.” I let out a surprised little scream and whirled around. At first I didn’t see anything accept for the black fabric in front of my face. I craned my neck and swallowed hard. Standing directly in front of me was Barnes.  
Considering that he was avoiding me at every opportunity he now was standing far to close. Intimidated I cleared my throat and he just seemed to realize he had invaded my personal space.  
As soon as he took a step back I inhaled sharply, only now realizing I had been holding my breath.  
“Sorry, you were saying?” I looked at him a little embarrassed. It was the first time he really looked straight into my face.

“I said that I am sorry for the way I acted earlier. I wish I could come up with something better, but this is all I got.” I nervously bit my lower lip.  
“Steve tried explaining it to me. He said you lived through some horrible things but that he cannot tell me anything in specific.” I could see the discomfort in his face.  
“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.” There was a moment of awkward silence between us, while I was still leaning against the counter.  
“You don’t need to be. Just give me some time to get to know you. Can you do that, doll?” I looked up at him. He was the only one who didn’t call me ‘sweetheart’ or ‘kid’ or anything like it. And somehow I liked the way he was calling me ‘doll’ with his heavy Brooklyn accent.  
“I might be able to do that.” He still looked down at me and was about to say something else.  
“Hey Buck, great to see you finally joined us.” Steve and Sam had swapped places with Tony and Bruce and Clint was currently arguing who was supposed to start the new round.  
“You make it sound as if I was an eremite.”  
“Well…” came the sarcastic response by Sam.  
“Oh shut it Falcon!” Barnes snapped back.

“May I?” The device was now playing some kind of creepy new age pop song when Natasha approached me. With a wink she shoved me to my right straight into Barnes, pretending to be skimming through the music. The sudden closeness caught both of us off guard.  
“I need something to drink!” I quickly ducked away and headed for the bar. I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and could see Sam out of the corner of my eyes, as he was giving Barnes’ shoulder a light smack while smirking at him. Apparently the soldier was now regretting that he even came down here.  
What was it with me today? Did all that get so much to me, that I couldn’t even think straight?

Besides from starting kind of weird the evening took a turn to the better. Somewhere during the course of the evening Tony started mixing cocktails and I felt myself loosening up more and more. Nat and I started fooling around which caused the boys to look at us in confusion from time to time.  
Barnes tried to stay in the background, just giving a comment every once in a while. Except when he was teaming up with Steve, kicking everybody elses’ butt. In those moments he seemed to cheer up. He started laughing and joking around.  
I caught myself thinking that there was something about him with his long hair caught in a bun at the nape of his neck and this honest laugh. I kicked myself for that thought. Why was I even drooling over him? He was completely out of my league. And my past apparently always caught up to me.

“Nice butt, huh?” Nat whispered into my ear. I choked on my drink and was coughing a lot. Of course everyone was turning their attention towards me and I must have had the colour of Tonys’ ‘working suit’. When I stopped coughing and nobody was paying any attention to me I leaned into her.  
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” She raised her eyebrows at me.  
“I’m a girl and not a guy, Ann. I saw your eyes practically undressing him.” I threatened to turn red again when she cast me another broad smile.  
“I knew it! So what? I don’t judge you for looking. Besides he is a kind person.”  
“You want to say something to me, Romanov?” Her smile grew even wider now. She knew exactly that she had me where she wanted me.

“I’m just saying. You’d look good together.” I let my legs dangle.  
“Even if, and that is a big if, he was interested, it couldn’t work. Not with a past like mine…” She looked for me for a few seconds.  
“Don’t tell yourself that bullshit, sweetheart. You know that I am just fooling around? You just split up so…” with a dubious smile she added: “But nobody says you cannot watch.”  
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.  
“Come on, let’s try and beat Clint and Banner once more.” I said to her when the game in front of us came to an end.


	9. Chapter 9

After we finished playing everyone retreated to their rooms pretty quickly. I was glad to finally having left medical care and got my own room. It was less sterile and felt more like a home. My dog was lying on his back, snoring so loud that I actually wondered how he could even sleep.  
I on the other hand could only toss around. Everything about my family… I stopped myself from continuing the thought. It would take another couple of days to finally process all the information and somehow understand it.

I rose restlessly. Maybe I could sleep after getting something to drink. I didn’t bother putting on my bathrobe. Everyone was fast asleep, so who would care if I wandered the halls wearing only a top and my boy shorts? I tried to be as still as possible while opening and closing my door. The Stark Tower now felt kind of creepy with its long hallways and the numbing silence.  
Slowly I walked down the stairs, it had gotten better without the crutches since this morning.

I didn’t bother turning on the lights in the kitchen, the moonlight that fell through the huge windows was enough to find the fridge. I opened and wasn’t sure what to take and finally settled on a bottle of water.  
“And there I thought I was the only one unable to sleep.” I almost jumped out of my skin upon hearing the dark voice behind me. I turned around slowly and saw him sitting at the table. I hadn’t seen him there in the dark.  
“For heavens’ sake, Barnes!” I pressed a hand over my hammering heart. “Is it too much to ask, that you give me a fair warning next time?” I could hear him humming.

“Friday, turn on the indirect lightning please.”  
“Of course, Sir.” I had to close my eyes for a second when the warm and golden light lit up the kitchen.  
“You fell into a paint pot, doll?” His eyes travelled all the way down my body and I was getting aware of what I was actually wearing.  
“I…” embarrassed I tried to pull down the hem of my top a bit further. He was still looking at me.  
“What are you doing?” He asked when I got even more embarrassed.  
“I… I don’t really like being stared at. Especially when I’m dressed like that.” He furrowed his brows.  
“You say that as if it was something bad.”

Invitingly he pulled a chair from the table. I hesitated for a second. On the other hand this might be the opportunity to actually get to talk to him. So I climbed into the chair next to him.  
On pure instinct I tried to cover up the remains of my thighs’ gun wound. I jerked when his hand took hold of my wrist.  
“Don’t.” he whispered. I looked at him with wide eyes. I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t bear seeing the forming scar. Before I could even open my mouth he pulled back as if he had been burned.  
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Embarrassed he pulled down the sleeve of his shirt to cover up the metal arm with which he had gripped my wrist.  
“Barnes?” He looked at me with wounded eyes. Carefully I extended my hand towards his left one.

“May I?” I asked as calm as possible when I was only inches away from the metal. He clenched his teeth but didn’t answer.  
I swallowed and laid my hand upon his prosthesis. To my surprise it felt warm. He stared down at our hands. Getting more confident since he didn’t shy away so far I gently moved my hand so my fingertips were brushing against his sleeve.  
When I carefully tucked on it he came to and took a hold of my fingers with his other hand and ever so gently removed them from the metal.

“Please don’t do that doll.” he breathed. It broke my heart so see him hurting like this.  
“Why?” He looked at me helplessly and his grasp around my hand grew softer.  
“Because you had enough darkness in your life as it seems so far. You shouldn’t get into touch with the darkness in my past on top of that.” I leaned forward so that he had to look into my eyes.  
I held his gaze with mine, grasped his sleeve again and yanked it up faster than he could stop me.  
“See? Nothing happened.” To underline my words I now took a hold of his metal forearm as far as it was possible for me.

“I don’t get why you’re not afraid, doll…” He still looked at me.  
“You never gave me a reason to fear you.” I responded an gave him a shy smile.  
“Hey… Why don’t we just watch some movies if we are both not able to sleep yet?”, he tried to break the silence and I agreed.  
We got comfortable on the big couch and he dug up some old James Bond movie. I grabbed one of the blankets to cover up my legs and leaned into the pillows. Even if there was no direct contact, I could still feel the heat radiating around him, making me dizzy. I tried concentrating on the movie but failed.  
“Thank you.” I turned my head towards him.  
“What for?” I asked a little confused.  
“For sitting here. For not pushing it but instead accepting that I don’t want to or more specific can’t talk about it.” I turned my body halfway towards him, propping my head up with the elbow against the backside of the couch.  
“I had my fair share of those experiences that are just impossible to process let alone talk about to anyone. Either you talk to me when you feel ready or I just accept that there are some things I just don’t know about you. I’m fine with both. It wouldn’t change the way I see you.”

I tugged at my blanket. It had slipped a bit upon me turning and so I tried to cover up my thigh again. Once more he kept my hands from hiding the scars.  
“Why are you constantly trying to hide yourself, doll?” I swallowed hard.  
“Those scars are so ugly… apart from the obvious…” I tried explaining.  
“What are you talking about?” he wanted to know.  
“I am not…” I was talking to my leg instead of him.  
“You are not what?” I could feel him trying to get a look at my face.  
“… not beautiful enough… too much meat on my bones to wear clothes like I wear now. And now there is this huge ugly scar…”

He growled and let go of my hand. His fingers gently took a hold of my chin and with the slightest amount of pressure he made me lift my head and look at him. I could feel the tears welling up into my eyes.  
“I don’t know who put that bullshit into your head. But those,” he gently laid his left hand on my thigh and let his thumb caress the fresh scar tissue. “… this is not ugly. It doesn’t make you ugly. You survived. That is all this scar proves. And who ever told you that you are not beautiful or slim enough… Well, I’d like to throw them some punches.”  
It just was too much. The tears started pouring down. I didn’t get how he could say that. How he could tell me I was beautiful and look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. I didn’t get how I deserved to get those praises.  
I could hear myself starting to sob and wanted to turn away.  
“No!” He growled lowly in his throat again and pulled me into him. I let him have his way and buried my face in the crook of his neck, not wanting to look at him. All those little insecurities and the bad experiences of my past came boiling to the surface. He just sat there caressing my back.

“Did he do it to you?” I tensed up and couldn’t keep my body from trembling. He made me look up at him once more.  
“That guy from the hospital. Is he the reason you see yourself like that?” I didn’t want to look at him. Didn’t want him to see the pain and terror of my past mirroring in my eyes.  
“Doll?” Even if his whisper was soft, his voice was still demanding. I couldn’t find my voice and just nodded.  
He gritted his teeth and his eyes turned hard.  
“I should have killed him. If Banner hadn’t held me back I would have killed him!” I was startled. It was the first time I could see this dark side to him.  
“The way he was standing above you… I don’t know what he did to you but no matter what it was, out of all the people I have killed he would have deserved it…” Hesitating and gently I put my hand against his cheek.  
“It wouldn’t make a difference. I can never shake away the fear that he will find me again. I tried… But he found me anyways”

“He won’t find you again. I promise you that.” His voice was even rougher than usually. Gently he rearranged my so I was now half lying into his right side, my head still resting in the crook of his neck so he could easily slip his arm around me. He pulled up the blanket to my shoulders.  
“Thank you Bucky…” I whispered. Would I have spoken louder my voice would most likely have cracked. I didn’t know what this was but he gave me a warm feeling. He pushed back the darkness just a little bit.  
“Not for that, doll. Not for that.” I heard him purr. My eyes felt more heavy and it was hard keeping them open no matter how hard I struggled.  
“Just close your eyes. I won’t be going anywhere.”  
“Promised?” I murmured.  
“Promised.” I snuggled deeper into his side and fell asleep while Bond was saving the world once more.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke a bit disorientated. When I opened my eyes the sunlight was already falling through the huge windows. Reluctantly I dove deeper into the pillows. It was nice and warm and smelled good. Smelled good?  
Slowly my memories came rushing back. I remembered I wasn’t sleeping in my own bed, I had left my room tonight.  
I moved ever so slightly. Something vibrated underneath me with a dark hum. When I raised my head I realized two things. I was on the couch. I was not alone on the couch.

I turned bright red instantly. I was lying halfway on top of Bucky Barnes. One of his legs was between my thighs and a minute ago my head had been rested on his right shoulder. At some point he must have pulled the blanket over both of us for it was nice and warm in our little cocoon.  
I could feel the light pressure of his arm along my back and on my hip, which was still draped around me and holding me flush against him.  
“Good morning, doll…” He grumbled and looked at me under half lidded eyes.  
“Morning!” I croaked back awkwardly and would have loved to jerk away. The moment I so much as moved a muscle Buckys’ grip on me tightened and he hummed again.  
He had to still be half asleep because he just turned us both onto his right side, so I was now pinned between him and the backside of the couch.  
“Bucky?” His only reaction was a content purr that resonated through my entire body.

“Barnes!” I slightly pressed against his left shoulder and started whining. Though it was nice feeling my soft body meld into his warmth it still felt kind of wrong.  
He opened his eyes and looked at me confused. Then he seemed to realize what situation we were actually in. I think in that moment he was as pale as I was red. In the same second we realized that it was already too late.  
“Good morning sleepyheads!” We were both shooting up and trying to get away from each other with as much pride left as possible, which turned out to be a rather difficult task for our legs were still entwined.  
“Natasha is preparing the coffee.” Steve grinned down on us.  
Bucky was the first to get a hold on himself and was up on his feet. I didn’t quite get what he was saying to Steve and then just took off. I still sat there completely stunned, partially covered by the blanket and totally lost on the huge couch. Once again I got pretty conscious about what I was wearing and pulled the blanket up to my chin.

“Hey Steve, why don’t you busy yourself with the eggs?” With more force than necessary Natasha put the coffee mug on the table.  
“Ah… Yeah, sure.” He took off and I mouthed a ‘thank you’ at the redhead.  
“Come on sweetheart, let’s get you dressed.” I stood up holding the blanket as tight as possible. Apparently Nat understood my problem and quickly got me out of the living space and up to my room.

As soon as my door closed behind us Natasha crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned against the doorframe. Smirking she looked at me and raised one eyebrow.  
“It wasn’t…” I tried.  
“It wasn’t what it looked like?” She giggled. “Oh honey I think it was exactly what it looked like. The two of you looked so cute cuddled up against each other. Not only my opinion, but also Steves’ and Clints’.” I moaned. Just great, out of all the people Mr-I can’t-keep-my-mouth-shut-Barton had to see us like that.

“Nat… It really wasn’t what it may have looked like. We both had troubles sleeping and so we talked. For me it stirred up a lot and he was just there for me. He didn’t want to leave me alone with my thoughts and we just fell asleep at some point. That’s all there is to it, I swear. I am to fucked up to go anywhere near a relationship and he sure as hell sees it the same way.” I almost started crying again.  
Natasha stopped grinning and sat down next to me on my bed.  
“Why are you always doing that? Why do you think so little of yourself? I can tell you one thing for sure, Barnes normally doesn’t act like that. He needs a lot of time to open up. Even now he would never sleep on the couch with me next to him.” I just couldn’t bare looking at her.  
“Mexico…” I whispered. She squeezed my hand.  
“Ann, you really don’t need to tell me about it.”  
“Yes, I need to. I need to talk to somebody before it keeps eating me away.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Buckys’ POV:

He had just fled the living room and went straight to the only place he knew he could be right now. He put another 40 pounds on the dumbbell bar.  
What was he thinking? He should have brought her back to her room. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep.  
6 – 7 – 8 – 9 - 10. He still needed more weight on the bar. When he woke to her pressing against him, trying to break free… Angry with himself another 60 pounds went onto the bar. He could have seriously hurt her. He could have just crushed her if he hadn’t come to so quietly. The weight bench wasn’t enough. Still angry he started throwing punches at the punching bag.

How could he just have been so stupid and careless? Next time… No! There wouldn’t be a next time. He couldn’t let her get this close ever again. He didn’t trust himself around her. It was important to him what she thought about him.  
She shouldn’t see that darkness that he kept buried inside. Maybe someday they could be friends. But more was impossible. The danger was to great that sooner or later he would not only hurt her mentally but physical as well.  
He was sure that she couldn’t deal with another trauma. Then he would truly be the monster which he was sure was just waiting to break through the surface and take control over him again.

With a loud bang the punching bag hit the wall. He was standing in the middle of the room, breathing heavy and looking up at the ceiling. Someone was applauding behind him and he spun around.  
“I don’t know who was on your mind Buck but I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.”  
“He doesn’t want to be in his shoes either, Steve.” He caught the towel that came flying his way and he rubbed over his face and neck.  
“What do you want?” Rogers pushed himself off of the pillar he was leaning against and sat down next to him.  
“What was that in the living room, Bucky?”  
“A mistake I don’t intend on repeating.” He growled and Steve looked at him.  
“It didn’t look like a mistake to me. I can’t recall when the last time I saw you sleep so calmly was.” He shook his head.  
“It was not safe. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. Not around her! I don’t know what that asshole from the hospital did to her, but if I hurt her… Than I am no different from him. Then I am the monster Hydra made me into. I could have killed her while I slept without even noticing, god damned! And you look at me with those puppy eyes and tell me different!” He didn’t want to shout at his best friend.

“Well, into the ring. You need to blow of some steam Buck. Like in the old days. Everything that happens stays in that ring.” Then another thought seemed to cross Steves’ mind.  
“Did it ever occurred to you that she might be the one to pull you from that darkness? We are best friends but I can’t help you with that. Maybe she can. As a friend or what so ever…”  
“Let’s just stop talking, Cap.”


	11. Chapter 11

The next days were somewhat confusing. Barnes did talk to me, but he avoided every physical contact and disappeared as often as possible. I was kind of disappointed for I thought we had made at least a bit of progress. I was fully aware that it was a huge step forward from no talk at all to little conversations, but still…

Deep in thought I stirred the sauce. I decided to cook for everyone since they would come back from a three day mission this evening. To distract myself.  
I talked a lot to Tony. He had explained to me that I was basically adopted by S.H.I.E.L.D. since my birth parents (former Hydra agents) had been on the run. Only a few hours after my birth I was handed into witness protection which just saved my life. Two days later my parents were found shot dead in the driveway of their house.

“Shit!” The sauce had just boiled over. I pulled the sauce pan away from the heat and tried to keep the damage to a minimum. Of course I burned my hand on the hot stove plate.  
“God damned, crap!” I winced. I jumped out of my skin when I suddenly stood in front of the kitchen sink and cool water was running over my burned fingers.  
“You need to be more careful, doll.” His voice was calm as he murmured into my ear. I closed my eyes and fought not to lean back into him. He was standing so close to me and held my hand under the flowing water that I could even smell his soap.

“I wasn’t paying attention…” I felt robbed when he finally backed away and held a kitchen towel towards me.  
“Mmmmmh… It smells delicious in here. What are we eating?” Clint strolled into the kitchen and tried to get a glance at what was in the cooking pan.  
“Hand well-done.” I just couldn’t bite back the comment. Clint looked at me confused and Bucky crossed his arms in front of his chest without any comment.  
“Just plane spaghetti Bolognese. I thought you’d enjoy it after the mission.” Clint grinned.  
“Great idea, kid. But what are the others going to eat?” I rolled my eyes playfully.  
“If you eat all that, than I will gladly eat the kitchen mop. The other kids want to eat too.” I stuck my tongue out towards him and turned to put the noodles into the boiling water.

“Oh no, you’re not touching anything else on this stove today, doll.” Bucky took the noodles from me and very gently pushed me to the side.  
“I’ve been a bit clumsy this one time…” I grumbled at him annoyed.  
“I can always sit you on the couch and tie you up.” He replied with a raised eyebrow. I was glad Natasha came in at that moment.  
“Who are we tying up, Barnes? If this is hinting at some naughty sex game I’m all for tying down Rogers.” I absolutely loved this woman. She always came up with some joke, though I sometimes wasn’t sure if she was fooling around or dead serious.

“What happened to your hand, sweetheart?!” she called out and before I could open my mouth, kitchen chef Barnes had already answered.  
“She is off kitchen duty for today or I tie her down on the couch. What you do to Steve, I really don’t want to know.”  
Natasha raised her eyebrows while staring at his back. “Since when are we back to physical contact?” she whispered to me.  
“Since I tried roasting my hand I think.” I replied evenly low.  
“Hey, you think you could teach me a trick or two? If I got Tony right I’m in some kind of death list. And I need to get fresh air at some point, so I’d like to be prepared if…” A loud clatter had us all stop dead. Barnes had slammed down the spoon, he was stirring the sauce with, down on the kitchen counter. Even if I didn’t see his face I could see how tense he was.

“Barnes?” Clint gave him a sideway glance. When there was no reaction he addressed me.  
“I think it’s a good idea if Natasha shows you some tricks. I think I speak for all of us when I say we would feel much better if you were able to at least fight back a little.” Barnes made a not at all flattering noise and took care of the spaghetti.  
“You got something to say?” I asked a little harsher than planned. He looked at me blankly.  
“Doesn’t matter what I think. You got everybody else wrapped around your finger.” I stared at him in disbelief.  
“What is your problem, Barnes? If I can take care of myself I am no longer a burden to all of you and you can focus on much more important tasks. And I can go back to work and my apartment…”  
“Then what are you waiting for?! I’m not going to hold you back!”

You could almost cut through the thick silence falling on the room. What was just happening? I could feel the tears on my face, I would not start crying in here. I turned and ran out of the kitchen.  
“You’re alright Ann?” I ignored Steve and marched on. I dimly noticed Natasha keeping him from following me.  
I didn’t get very far though. When I rounded the corner suddenly my feet left the ground and I was standing with my back towards the wall, caged in by two big arms.  
“Let me go Barnes! Or do you still have more to say?!”  
He let his head drop and a few strands of his hair fell into his face and over his eyes.

“Doll…” I couldn’t take this.  
“What?!” I snapped back at him. He sighed and I started to realize how close he was.  
“I know I don’t have any right to say that but I can’t bear the thought of you being out there.” My anger slowly boiled down a bit.  
“I just don’t understand. I have a life out there. Friends and…” He looked at me with a tortured gaze.  
“Tony didn’t tell you that it is impossible, did he? That you can’t go on with your life as if none of that ever happened. That you’re putting your friends in harms’ way. I can’t bear the thought of you out there where they can always find you. Even if the others show you how to fight that won’t save you. You’d be without protection. You’d be alone out there. To think that we… that I can’t protect you when you’re out there…”  
I could only stare at him. I was prepared for almost anything but not for this. He held my gaze and I was trapped in those blue eyes. He came closer. My brain stopped working, every inch of my body was tingling as he still came closer.

“Hey guys, dinner is ready.” Thank you, great timing Wilson. Buckys eyes seemed to focus again and he retreated. My heart was beating as if I had just ran a marathon.  
“We’re on our way.” With that Barnes turned and left me alone in the hallway.  
“You’re coming?” Sam looked at me curious. I shook my head and smiled.  
“Yeah, I want to know who I poisoned first with my food.” I needed some girl time with Natasha later, there was just too much on my mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Against my previous assumption of the amount of food being way too much, it proved to be exactly right. The mood at the table was in high spirits and I really tried to focus on the conversations. But I couldn’t.  
My thoughts kept trailing back to the hallway. I imagined to still feel his warmth around me while facing the wall with my back. To still feel his warm breath on my face…  
“Did you listen to one word I said?” Natasha pushed her finger into my side.  
“Sorry, I was elsewhere…” I apologized and she frowned at me.  
“I asked you to go shopping with me on Saturday. It’s Tonys’ birthday and you know that won’t be a small get together. Besides I really want to put you in a beautiful dress.” She winked at me and I couldn’t keep myself from laughing.  
“Sure, why not. Just don’t be too disappointed if we find nothing, I hate dresses.”  
“Oh honey I know exactly what you will be wearing Saturday night. And I don’t take no for an answer.”

“If you get Ann to wear a dress, I’ll even pay to see that!” Clint exclaimed so loud everyone turned towards me. I acknowledged this with my middle finger pointed towards him which made Sam laugh so hard that the poor Bruce choked on his noodles.  
“Ha! I knew my food would kill someone!” I joked. Upon asking Natasha at what time she planned to go into town on Saturday, I noticed Barnes was watching me but quickly looked away.  
The rest of the meal was relatively quiet. After everybody had finished I shooed them out of the kitchen, most of them were tired anyways.

While clearing out the table I let the kitchen sink fill with water. The few dishes I could clean myself.  
“Shit!” Of course on of the glasses escaped my fingers. Confused I looked up when I didn’t hear the glass shatter on the ground. In the same motion he took the plates from me and put them down on the counter.  
Nervously I shifted from one foot to the other and didn’t really know what to say.  
“Thank you…” I mumbled.  
“Let me clean this up, you already went through the trouble to cook for us.”  
“You really don’t need to…” One look had me cutting off the sentence. Evidentially every discussion was pointless, so I took one of the kitchen towels to dry the plates he was handing me.

We didn’t talk, not that I would have had any idea what to say anyways. When his fingers touched mine a little shockwave went through my arm and I tried not to flinch.  
Get it together! I told myself.  
I grabbed a wet rag in order to wipe the table clean while Barnes put the plates back into the cupboard. Due to my small height I couldn’t reach the middle of the huge table.  
I flinched when he suddenly came up behind me. His right hand rested on my hip while he took the rag from me with the other and cleaned the middle of the table. A shiver ran down my spine when his hair tickled my neck. I pressed my eyes shut and try to even out my breathing.  
Barnes stayed like that a few seconds longer than it would have been necessary. His breath was warm against my face and I couldn’t keep the small hairs in my neck from rising up.

Just like that the moment was over. As if nothing had happened he cleaned out the kitchen sink and didn’t bother to look at me. I slowly let out my breath. I didn’t understand what was going on behind those blue eyes.  
“Good night.” I wanted to leave quickly and retreat to my room. I stopped when he caught my wrist in his hand and pulled me back. Anxious I looked up at him. Had he worn the black tank top the whole evening?  
“Yes?” I heard myself. The next sentence shattered me into a million pieces.  
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, doll. It’s just… I don’t know why I have this urge to keep you save. Well, maybe I do know… I really like you, you are like a little sister to me.” I just stared at him. Like. A. Little. Sister.  
His words resonated in my head, sank in and pressed down hot somewhere near my stomach. I heard myself answer and thought what a lousy liar I was.  
“I understand that Barnes. I trust you like an old friend. So everything’s good between us?” He smiled.  
“Yes, everything’s just fine, doll.” Grinning he pulled me into a strong hug. Everything within me screamed and I stared into the kitchen sink as I squeezed him back. Because of that I couldn’t see the shadow that fell upon his face.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to update this story. I just had absolutely no motivation to translate it further although I have so many chapters written in german. I hope you are not mad at me. I will try to keep up working on it since it is one of my favourite stories apart from my little Lost Boys obsession.
> 
> I also apologize if my translating english sometimes is horrible. It is much easier to write completly and only in english than to translate something you have already written in another language.
> 
> Also I know Natasha is really bad as, but I like the idea that she has this girlish side to her she sometimes enjoys letting out.

“Hey, what’s up?” Natasha opened the door as soon as I hesitantly knocked on it.  
“I…” I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing.  
“Oh shit. What happened?” She pulled me inside and closed the door. Somehow she manoeuvred me over to her small couch and had me sit down. Pulling me into her I couldn’t keep the tears from falling anymore. After some time I was only whining but the tears had stopped.  
“What happened? During dinner everything seemed to be just fine.” She tried to wipe away the last tears and looked at me concerned.  
“Did the idiot yell at you again?” I shook my head.  
“Honey, I can’t read minds you know? Spill it already.” I cleared my throat.  
“I… Fuck I don’t know where to start.” I nervously cleared my throat once more. What was my problem? This was Natasha who knew practically the darkest part of my past I had to offer. And now I was ashamed to tell her what was going on?  
“He came after me when I left the kitchen after he yelled at me. He said that he was concerned that neither you guys nor him would be able to keep me safe from Hydra. And that that was what scared him…” Nat nodded her head and encouraged me to go on.  
“Well… Before Sam came after us to get us for dinner… Gosh I am so stupid! I thought he wanted to kiss me Nat! So is just so stupid!” She looked at me with large eyes.

“Did he do it? I mean that is just great isn’t it?” I made a face at her.  
“No, he didn’t. Wilson told us dinner was ready before he would have had a chance. When I wanted to leave after we cleaned the kitchen he pulled me back to talk… Shit Tasha… He said I am like a little sister to him! What’s wrong with me? How could I for one second believe he would ever see me like that? And I am stupid enough to tell him he is a friend to me and if we were cool… I am so fucking stupid!” I couldn’t hold the tears that started flowing again. Natasha tried to somehow calm me down.  
“You know what? If he thinks like that he really is an idiot. You are a great person. Kind and caring. You have been through so much and especially he should know how hard it is to leave your past behind. Especially after the incident on the couch I thought there was more between you guys. I am sorry sweetheart. But I know something that might help a little.” She grinned and I shot her a questioning look.  
“Hot chocolate and a bloody horror movie!”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Buckys’ POV:

He was lying on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He was such an asshole. He couldn’t get rid of the image of her standing there, lips slightly parted and those blue eyes… She was a grown woman, still she had looked so small caged in between his arms and the wall. He swallowed hard. Had Wilson not shown up in that moment would he have kissed her? Probably…  
He made a face. Shit, he could barely keep it together when she started absentmindedly chewing her bottom lip. If he was honest he didn’t really regret falling asleep on the couch with her pressed up against him. He could still feel her small and curvaceous frame against him.  
Fuck, get it together Barnes! He had no right thinking about her like that. She had made it perfectly clear that they were friends and nothing more.

He let out an angry growl, when he thought about Romanov wanting to buy her a dress for Tonys’ birthday. Clints’ comment hadn’t made the feeling in his guts any better. If anybody would have asked his opinion he would have liked her to wear a potato sack just so that no man would care to look at her. He sat up with his elbows on his knees and his jaws clenched tight.  
Shit! He put his shirt back on and decided to work out, sleep was something he wouldn’t get anyways.  
On his way down he passed by the laboratory where Stark and Banner where discussing while bent over something. He didn’t understand everything but he got that it was about her again. Something about her blood having some anomaly and that they needed to take a sample again. He didn’t really know what to make of that and proceeded further down the corridor. He needed some heavy workout to clear his head.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“Come on in, I need to find my pants!” At 8:00 sharp on Saturday morning Natasha knocked on my door. I heard her open and close the door and I finally found where I had put my pants. The redhead was sitting on my bed, apparently in a very good mood.  
“Should I be worried about our shopping trip? You got that mischievous look on your face again.” She laughed at that falling back onto my bed.  
“No need to worry. I always get what I want. A bit of fresh air will be good for us and this evening you will screw up all our boys minds when they see you. Barnes will regret letting you slip away.” I rolled my eyes at her.  
“That is exactly what I was afraid of. You going full on girl on me is even scarier than you beating the shit out of some bad guy.” She got to her feet and pulled me with her while grinning.

Outside I almost ran face first into Bruce.  
“Have you got a minute for me, Ann?” I looked at Natasha before I answered him.  
“Depends on what you need from me. Natasha and I were heading out to buy dresses for Tonys’ birthday party.”  
“It won’t take long. I need to take another blood sample from you. It is probably nothing but some parameters where out of the ordinary and Tony and I would like to check that again just to be sure it wasn’t just a mistake on our side.” I nodded and followed him. Whatever it was I was sure if it was something I should be worried about Bruce would have told me.

o-0-o

“Okay. Let’s go already.” Natasha grabbed my arm when we finally left the Stark Tower. We walked a short distance through the still calm streets of New York. We finally came to a stop in front of a store that looked way out of my paygrade.  
“Here we go.” Natasha was practically beaming with excitement.  
“Nat… You know that I probably can’t even afford a strap of one of those dresses?” From out of nowhere she produced a credit card.  
“Oh don’t you worry about that. Grandpa is paying. Tony insisted that I decide what you wear and he is paying.” I turned pale, that was even more embarrassing. We entered and right away a short man in his fifties came running towards us with a huge smile.  
“Miss Romanov! What a pleasure to see you again!”  
“Luigi, it is good to see you have recovered. You got the dresses I asked you to get for me?” She smiled at the man and he motioned for us to follow him into the back where the fitting rooms were. One of his employees rolled in a clothes rail with round about twenty dresses, each more expensive than the one before.  
“Nat…” I was getting anxious.  
“Shall we? There are a lot of dresses for you to try, my dear.” Luigi clapped his hands and shoved me into the fitting room with the first dress.

I completely lost track of time and my head was pinning after hours of trying on every dress they put in my hands. Natasha was really serious. There were dresses of all kinds, long, short, tight fitting and loose, one colour and colourful… Most dresses I put on had Natasha making a face the moment I stepped out from behind the curtain and made me put on the next dress immediately.  
“Stop! That’s it!” Natasha jumped out of her chair, clapping her hands like a six year old.  
“Are you sure?” I looked at her sceptically. Red wasn’t my colour, too bright, not black. The dress barely touched my knees, the fabric slightly gathered on my sides, which helped in covering up my extra weight. It was cut out low on my back and the front held in place by the straps forming a neck holder. The amount of cleavage it showed had me wondering how that was appropriate for a birthday party.  
“Oh I am damn sure. Clint can go get his money ready.” I couldn’t help the smile as I thought about the poor Clint having to admit he lost another bet to Natasha.

“Luigi, we will take this dress. And the black pumps. And the silver necklace with the matching earrings.” I looked at her bewildered. That was way too much money, with that amount you could probably buy the whole building complex I lived in. She shot me a look that cut all discussion.  
“You will look beautiful. I will do your make-up and hair later.” She sure as hell would be having more fun with dressing me up like a doll than I would have. I started feeling anxious about the party.


	14. Chapter 14

I felt anxious and looking at the dress on my bed I really had to wonder how the hell Natasha talked me into this. I hated dresses. They weren’t practical and revealed too much skin. With a heavy sigh I put it on, at least I could convince her that the dress covered most of my thighs. Nobody should be able to see my scars this way.  
“Okay, let’s get started, shall we?” I turned around when Nat entered and stared at her for a moment.  
“Wow, you look beautiful.” She was wearing a dark blue dress that was sliced almost up to her hip. She smiled at me and walked over to zip me up before she pushed me into a chair to work on my hair and make-up. She decided to go for a natural look and after straightening my hair she pulled it up into a little messy bun.  
“You cannot look too serious, honey. Nobody would believe that. And stop it with that face, you look gorgeous.” I grimaced at that and watched her producing a knife from her bag and holding it out to me.  
“What would I need a knife for on a birthday party?” I was surprised and she only shrugged her shoulders.  
“You are one of us now. I talked to the others earlier and we would like you to have at least some kind of protection on you from now on. I always carry a weapon, even now.” She lifted the hem of her dress and I was surprised that she actually had a small pistol strapped to her thigh. She quickly showed me a few easy movements with the knife, that I would be able to repeat even without any previous weapons training. I still didn’t understand why it was necessary as Natasha helped me hide the knife against my thigh. It was completely invisible when she let go of my dress and the loose falling skirt completely disguised that I hid anything there.  
“Thank you, Nat.” I hugged her tight for a few seconds.  
“Let’s have some fun.” She winked at me and opened the door.

On our way to the elevator we passed by the laboratory. Bruce was talking to someone I hadn’t seen here before. Long blond hair, tall and a very muscular frame. Natasha pulled me through the door and motioned for me to wait.  
“Well, if it isn’t the mighty Thor gifting us with his presence.” The blonde turned around with a huge smile plastered on his face.  
“It is good to see you again.” He turned around fully still smiling at the redhead and then seemed to notice me standing behind her.  
“And who might this lovely lady be?” I felt my cheeks heat up and I was sure I was as red as my dress. I would never get used to being noticed by all those handsome heroes. The tall Norse god slowly walked over, oozing confidence, even if the dark jeans and shirt didn’t really seem to be doing him justice.  
“Miss Evans. We just talked about her.” He stopped in front of me and brushed his lips softly against my hand.  
“My pleasure, Miss Evans.” I was only able to nod. I shook my head and looked at Bruce.  
“Why were you talking about me?” Bruce looked at Natasha and waited for her silent approval before he looked back at me.  
“You remember that we tested your blood again? The anomaly was still there, it even increased since the last blood sample. I thought maybe our Asgardian friend here might have an idea what we are looking at.” I looked at the god, hoping he could bring some sense into this.  
“I don’t have an explanation for it. I have seen something like that before. Maybe my brother will be able to tell us more later. He has always been the… more clever concerning such things.” His brother… Sure. If Thor was here it was only natural his brother would be somewhere around. From what Clint had told me I gathered that the two Asgardians were working through their difficulties.

“Time flies by. We should head upstairs or Tony will never let us here the end of it, if we miss his big speech.” Banner interrupted my thoughts and ushered us out into the hallway.  
Before we even reached the door leading to the vast balcony, I could already hear the music playing. There were already a lot of people, some of them I recognized from TV but most where unknown to me. From the looks of it Tony had once more spent a lot of money. It wasn’t as if he had to even look at prices anyways, probably Pepper had to put him on a leash while planning.  
“Damned Natasha, you have outdone yourself this time.” Clint was looking me up and down and Nat grinned as she held her hand out to him.  
“Thank you Clint. And now I want my money. She is wearing a dress and she looks amazing. I win.” Typical, I thought as I watched the money being exchanged.  
“Oh and Wilson, I didn’t forget that you owe me money, too.” I huffed, it didn’t really surprise me that Sam was involved as well.  
“You get it later Romanov. Ann, you still look cute.” I decided to escape being stared at and made my way over to the bar. I ordered some cocktail and prayed Natasha didn’t bet with everyone on the team.  
“Natasha held true to her word. What did she threaten you with?” I turned around with a smile.  
“Hey Steve. At least one person seems to feel sorry for me.”  
“I just happen to know what she can be like if she has her mind set on something. Though I have to admit she did a damned good job. You look gorgeous.” He pushed a strand of my hair back behind my ear and I looked up at him, feeling a bit uncomfortable.  
“Can I ask you something?” Steve looked at me and leaned against the counter next to me.  
“You know you can always ask anything of me.” I bit my bottom lip and tried to sort out how to go about this.

“What’s wrong, princess? Something is bothering you.” He gently pushed my chin up so I had to look at him.  
“I… I am just so confused. Tony and Bruce say something about my blood is off, some anomaly. Even Thor cannot say what it is. He said maybe his brother…”  
“Maybe I could do what, beautiful?” I whirled around to find myself eye to eye with whom I suspected to be Loki Laufeyson. His eyes travelled down and back up taking in my body and somehow it made me feel naked. I took an involuntary step back standing now against the bar. I turned around, seeking help from Steve, but something else had already caught his attention. Perfect, just when you need a superhero for once.  
I turned back to face the god. He was the complete opposite of his brother, dark hair, evenly tall with but less bulky in his frame and those piercing cold eyes.  
“Do I make you uncomfortable?” His mouth formed a mischievous grin as he took another step towards me and took a hold of my left arm.  
“What about now, little mortal? What are you feeling now?” His lips almost brushed against my ear and a cold shiver ran down my spine as his breath fanned over my throat.  
“Disgust.” I bit my tongue because I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut if cornered. Amusement flickered in his cold eyes when he leaned back to get a better look at me. He stared into my eyes and for a moment I had the feeling I was losing my focus. I closed my eyes and shook my head a little in confusion. When I opened them again he looked at me a bit taken aback.

“That is unusual.” He was whispering more to himself. Again he looked at me with intense eyes, this time I only felt some irritating nagging in the back of my head.  
“Indeed, very unusual… What are you?” I stared at him. Did I understand him correct?  
“I don’t understand…” He put a long finger against my lips to keep me from talking.  
“Hush now. Something is different about you. You smell different. Somehow… Familiar. A cold winter morning. Wet firewood. Newly forged steel…” His eyes turned dark and he closed the remaining distance between us. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that Tony was now holding his speech, but I wouldn’t have been able to recall a single word if asked to.  
“You smell like one of them.” He let out a low growl and his face nearly touched mine. What was happening here?


	15. Chapter 15

Buckys’ POV:

The balcony was already packed with people when he and Steve came up the stairs. Natasha and Clint were debating over a mentionable amount of money that was to change ownership. So Romanov went through with her plan to put Ann into a dress. He let out an annoyed growl.  
He stopped for a second when his eyes found her in the crowd. Damned! If Natasha was up to something she did it the right way. Ann was standing next to the bar. Her hair pulled up in a messy style and the short red dress hugged her form in all the right places, leaving a lot of her skin exposed.  
He swallowed hard. Keep it together Barnes…  
He felt Steves’ hand on his shoulder and slightly turned towards his friend.  
“Let’s go over, Buck. Ann seems in need of some company.”  
“No!” Steve looked at him a little confused.  
“Buck…”  
“I said no Steve. I need to talk to Banner. The arm…”  
“Whatever buddy. I am going over and get a beer.” He watched his best friend walk away. He couldn’t face her, not when she was dressed up like that. He could feel bile rise in his throat when he watched Steve tug some hair out of her face and she smiled at him in return. He felt the urge to vomit at that. She should be looking at him like that…

He turned away and tried to concentrate on the speech Tony was holding. That helped just a little.  
Somehow he felt his eyes drawn back to the bar and froze. Laufeyson! The troublemaker was so close to her there was barely air left between their bodies. Her face clearly showed her discomfort and something in his had clicked. Hot anger boiled inside of him. God or not, that asshole could play his games with whomever he liked. Except for her! He made his way over to them, his eyes fixed on his target.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

His breath fanned warm over my skin I wanted to get away so badly right now. Everything inside me screamed for him to stop. His hand took a hold of my face and with a little force he made me look at him. His now dark eyes caught mine.  
“Fascinating. Really fascinating.” His eyes travelled down to my lips and deeper. Again I felt naked and a cold shiver ran down my spine.  
“I am wondering if you taste as good as you smell, pet…” I could feel the anger starting to boil in me. What did that jerk take me for? Just because he was a god he could get away with anything?  
Suddenly I had enough space to breathe freely again. Loki seemed equally surprised.  
“I think you promised me a dance, doll.” Never in my life had I been more relieved to hear his voice. Without thinking I took his hand and he pulled me away to the dancefloor. His right hand kept mine pressed against his chest while his left gently pushed against my lower back. The cool metal against me bare skin somehow gave me a feeling of safety. I let out a sigh of relieve once we had enough distance between us and the Asgardian.

“Thank you Barnes. You can stop that charade now, I suck at dancing.” On top of that they started playing a very slow song now. He looked down at me and smiled but refused to let go of me.  
“It doesn’t matter if you can do it when I am dancing with you.” He gently pulled me closer and started moving us slowly. My heart was beating so loud I was afraid he would hear it and after a while I completely surrendered to him.  
“I didn’t think Natasha would actually succeed in getting you to wear a dress.” I looked up into his eyes.  
“I already regret it.” The contrast to Lokis’ eyes couldn’t have been greater.  
“I don’t. You look perfect. Just one thing…” One of his hands reached behind me and a second later my hair cascaded down.  
“Much better.” He let out a content purr as his hand returned to my hip. Slightly nervous I bit my lower lip. Just as he opened his mouth to say something the music stopped.  
He was much too close. With a little smile I pulled away and told him I had to go to the toilette. I almost fled towards the bathroom which led me right past the bar again. I cast Loki a warning glance when he tried to block my way and he held up his hands in a surrendering gesture.  
“Don’t test me right now, Laufeyson!”, I hissed as I walked past him.

Not again! Once more I was pressed back first into the wall.  
“Barnes…” My eyes went wide when I came face to face with the man who killed my brother. I wanted to scream but he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me off the ground. I thrashed in his grasp and kicked at him but the only thing I achieved was him tightening his grip. I could feel myself getting drowsy. No, this is not happening… I remembered Natasha’s knife strapped to my thigh and tried to reach for it. The man in front of me was so fixated on my face he didn’t see my movement.  
My fingertips graced the steel and I finally managed to wrap my fingers around the handle. I did what Nat had shown me and lifted the knife to push it as deep into his shoulder as possible. With a scream of agony he let go of me.  
A little dazed I tried to scramble to my feet to run away. He grabbed my ankle and I fell down again. I turned a little as he tried to get full control over me. I didn’t think, I grabbed the knife and ripped it from his shoulder. Something inside me told me to kick at his face as hard as I could. The man let out a grunt and went limb.  
When I wiggled out from under his heavy body my dress ripped. I needed to get away. No matter who I ran into.  
I had half rounded the corner when I slammed face first into Barnes’s chest. I watched his eyes turn a tinge darker as he took in my beaten up form and my ripped dress. In this moment the bloody knife slipped from my fingers and clattered to the ground.  
“What happened, doll?!” He was angry and I felt like on autopilot as I turned and pointed at the unconscious man. I could practically hear Barnes’s jaws move against each other. He knelt down next to the man and looked at me in surprise. Oh good God, I didn’t…  
“Dead.” Barnes confirmed what I already knew.  
“Down!” I couldn’t react as fast as Bucky had taken a hold of me and pushed me into the wall. Something heavy flew past us and slammed into the wall. A second later I was pushed to the ground, my body shielded by Buckys’. There was a loud explosion and concrete and debris crashed all around us.

My ears were buzzing and I could feel the man above me pressing down heavily onto me. I could hear voices getting louder and people panicking.  
“Bucky! Shit… Buck, are you okay?” Steve came running towards us. I heard coughing above me and the weight was lifted from my chest.  
“I am fine. Doll?” He looked worried as he held himself up above me.  
“I think I am fine.” My head was spinning and I thought I tasted blood.  
“Hydra?!” Barnes looked up at Rogers who nodded.  
“We caught one. Two escaped in the chaos. But apart from two people being slightly injured only the building was damaged…” Both of them grabbed my arms to help me back to my feet.

o-0-o

While everyone was busy helping to get the guests out and bring some structure to the chaos, I sat at the bar. I was downing drink number unknown. I killed someone… How? How did I know what to do? My head was spinning and I took another sip. The liquid burnt in my mouth, I had not only bitten my lip but my tongue as well. Still the alcohol made me feel numb inside.  
I felt like going insane. When had my life turned so upside down? I was a nurse, who paid her taxes, was always kind and loved her family… My life was plain boring, the most exciting thing being someone walking into the ambulance with their arm ripped off. And now? There seemed to be always somebody trying to kill me, my parents weren’t really my parents, my brother was dead and then there was this handsome guy who always protected me but only saw a sister in me…  
“Don’t you think you had enough of that?” My glass was taken from me and Natasha looked at me.  
“Sorry I ripped your dress…” Talking was getting rather difficult.  
“Who cares about that stupid dress? That can be replaced. I am just so glad you had that knife.” I looked at her and grimaced.  
“I killed him Nat.”  
“You had no choice… Besides you didn’t know what you were doing.”  
“Yes! Somehow I knew what to do…” She looked at me thoughtfully. I slipped from my chair as graceful as possible in my current state and had to hold on to it if I didn’t want to fall to the floor.  
“I am going to bed.” I hick-upped.

“You are going nowhere like that, doll.” A strong arm snaked around my hip and I let myself sink into him with a shit eating grin towards Natasha.  
“I am done up here. Let me get her back to her room real quick.” Natasha nodded.  
“Please. I wouldn’t want her to walk back on her own like that.” I wanted to protest on shaking legs but my body refused to keep me on my feet anymore. Not even a second later I was sitting back in my chair.  
“Wait.” Barnes put his dress jacket around my shoulders and disappeared for a moment.  
“Drink.” He pushed a bottle of water into my hand and dipped the bottom up until I had swallowed about the half of the bottle before he seemed satisfied.  
“Let’s get you to bed.” He picked me up and once again I was in his arms. Somehow that seemed to be getting a habit…  
He managed to open the door to my apartment without setting me down. Inside I started wiggling in his grasp. I wanted him to put me down, I had enough of being carried around like a child. Of course the moment my feet touched the ground I almost fell down again. Bucky grasped my hip in his hands to steady me. I looked up at him and smiled.  
“I love your eyes, Barnes.” He lifted an eyebrow and the alcohol made me bold. “Care to help me get undressed?”  
The dress was ripped anyways, still I would need help to get it off.  
“Let me get Natasha to help you.” His voice was a little rougher than a few moments ago now.  
“Come on. We are friends. There is nothing wrong with helping me. The dress is ri… ripped anyways.” He let out a heavy sigh.  
“Fine… Turn around, I can’t reach the zipper from here.” With a satisfied grin I kicked off my shoes and turned in his grasp. His warm breath fanned over my neck and the metal of his prosthesis left a trail of goosebumps along my spine as his hand pulled down the zipper. I loosened the necktie and my dress fell to the ground. I turned back around a little unsteady and immediately his hands war back on my hip. He didn’t move or said anything as I turned to face him. Normally I would have been embarrassed to stand in front of him half naked. He looked back at me without giving away what he was thinking.  
Before I could change my mind I got up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. For a second I thought he would kiss me back but instead he pulled back and kept me from following him.  
“You are drunk, doll. You don’t know what you are doing.” I looked at him as if he had slapped me.  
“I am not… I am sorry… I forgot you don’t see me like that. Why would you? I am nothing more than a sister to you. And you don’t kiss your sister like that…” He closed his eyes for a second.  
“Go to bed. We talk about this tomorrow. If you even remember it by then.” With that being said he left me standing in the middle of my dark room in nothing more than my underwear.


	16. Chapter 16

What was I thinking? My head hurt and I prayed for someone to turn down the sunlight a bit. It took me for forever to open my eyes. How the hell did I get to my room? I slowly set up and the blanket dropped down. What the…?  
I was only wearing the lacy underwear Natasha had insisted I wore. No, no, no… My ripped dress was somewhere in the middle of the room, same as my shoes. What the fuck did I do? I always slept dressed in boyshorts and some kind of shirt. Always! Since the age of twelve. Except I have had… I jumped up and made a run for the bathroom.  
It took me almost two hours until I felt good enough to finally leave my room. Today dressed in black again, just some loose fitting pants, a Nightwish shirt and my hair up in a bun. I resisted the urge to put on some sunglasses to shield my eyes against the sun.  
Slowly I crept towards the kitchen when Steve came out and noticed me.  
“There you are. How are you?” He stood in front of me so I guessed I wouldn’t get away that easily. The way I looked it was obvious how I felt anyways.  
“You guys should have closed the bar. I think I look as dead as I feel.” He raised his eyebrows so I had to look even worse.  
“Hey Steve… You wouldn’t know how I got back to my room yesterday? I seem to be lacking some memories…” Rogers pushed one hand through his hair and had the other on his hip. He gave me a sideways glance before he answered.  
“Barnes put you in bed. He didn’t come back so I went to look for him…”  
“Oh shit! Please don’t tell me…” I felt sick again and Steve looked at me confused.  
“I don’t know what you think you did but I had to separate Bucky from Loki yesterday. No idea why Buck tried to rearrange his face but he got him pretty angry, that’s for sure.” I felt like a whole mountain had been lifted of off my shoulders. Still it didn’t explain why I had been in my underwear which was petty embarrassing. What the fuck did I do? And what went down between Barnes and the god?

“Come on. Let’s get some life back into you.” Steve put his arm around my shoulder and led me into the kitchen. He had me sit down at the large table and searched for something.  
“Take these. They will help with the headache.” He handed me some pills and a glass of water. It wasn’t like I could refuse anything that might help. I downed the pills and hoped they would kick in fast.  
“Steve, I need you. You got a minute? Oh hey kid. Having a hangover?” Tony was standing in the doorway and grinned at me. I groaned but didn’t answer.  
“Sure Tony. Here, eat up. Rogers-Barnes-special breakfast. Helps against a hangover since 1934.” He put down a plate with scrambled eggs and a peanut butter sandwich in front of me and followed Tony. With a little scepticism I pushed the eggs around on my plate. Those made sense to me but the sandwich… But against all suspicion the unlikely combination calmed down my stomach. I slowly ate up not sure if my stomach wouldn’t start protesting again.

“What a shame, that is less revealing than what you wore yesterday.” I resisted the urge to stab him with my fork.  
“What do you want Laufeyson? I am not in the mood for your games.” I could feel how close he was and tightened my grip on the fork. He inhaled deeply and seemed to step closer.  
“We have been rudely interrupted yesterday, my little pet.” His voice was way too close to my ear and a shiver ran down my spine as the anger boiled up again.  
“Mmmmmh… I can smell you getting angry. Pine needles. What a pleasant scent.”  
“Get lost!” I tensed up.  
“I don’t think so. It is just getting interesting now. I like a little challenge.” His lips almost touched my right ear. His left hand was on my neck while his long fingers touched my jaw and his right hand was next to mine on the table. He was too close, way too close. The anger was rising hot inside of me now.  
“I thought I made myself clear about you touching her!” Barnes stood in the doorway, his eyes dark with barely contained anger.  
“If we pretend he isn’t there he will just disappear. Then you can tell me your little secret. If you are a good girl I might just tell you a secret myself.” His eyes never left Barnes. When he dared to lay his right hand on my hip I lost it.  
“Take your hand off of me or I swear to God…”  
“Oh, no it’s getting really interesting. What will you do, pet? I like them wild, it is more fun to break them…” Apparently that struck a nerve with Bucky as well.  
“I warned you Laufeyson! I told you to stay away!” Eyes on his target he crossed the kitchen and snatched Loki away from me by his neck. Up until now I had never realized just how tall the soldier really was.

“I’ve had it with the two of you!” Everyone froze and looked at the door. Natasha looked between both of them with an angry expression.  
“Really? Again? I thought I made myself clear yesterday that next time I have to separate you it will hurt! Get away from each other!” With an angry growl Barnes let go of the god who dropped down several inches.  
“We are needed brother. Now!” Thor entered the kitchen and seemingly he held enough authority over his brother.  
“I’ll keep an eye on you, villt fegurð.” Before he could touch me again I slapped his hand away.  
“Loki!” He gave Barnes another malicious grin before he left. I felt drained after the tension faded. Bucky looked at my concerned.  
“Are you okay?” I shook my head.  
“Should have stabbed him with the fork while I had the chance…” Natasha slipped into the chair next to me.  
“Don’t let him get to you. Normally he can be quite charming but he has the habit to cause mischief where ever he is. Same goes for you Barnes, as if yesterday hasn’t been enough.” She cast him another glare and then turned back to me.  
“And you should go back to bed. I would like to start your training tomorrow and you look like you could use some more sleep. Oh, I have to go. Bye.” She hopped off the chair and left.

A second later Barnes stepped closer. I looked up at him and saw that his expression had softened again. Carefully he laid his fingertips against my throat.  
“How are you really holding up?” I swallowed hard. Of course I had dark blue marks on my throat where that guy had grabbed me.  
“What happened yesterday? Between us I mean. Steve told me you brought me back to my room… I just want to know why I was in my underwear when I woke up.” I wasn’t even sure if I really wanted to know the answer. Barnes hesitated to answer.  
“Look. You were pretty out of it yesterday. You could barely stand on your own two feet. You asked me as a friend to help you get out of what was left of your dress.” He avoided my eyes and looked out of the window instead.  
“What else did I do?” I had the feeling that wasn’t the whole story. He scratched the back of his head with a pained expression on his face.  
“We should leave it as it is, doll. No need to talk about something you did while you were drunk as a sailor.”  
“Bucky?!” He let his arm fall down and sighed heavily. He was so close I had to crane my neck to actually look at him.  
“You tried to kiss me… That is all of it, I swear You didn’t know what you were doing.”  
“Barnes, I have time to look at your arm now. Oh, am I interrupting something?” Perfect timing Bruce…  
“Not at all. We are done here.” Barnes turned around and followed Bruce outside, leaving me behind again.  
I hid my face behind my hands. This couldn’t be possibly true! I kissed him… How drunk was I to lose control like that? The urge to retreat to my room and not come out again was growing stronger by the minute.


	17. Chapter 17

“Go away!” Someone was knocking loudly on my door. I didn’t want to see anybody. I let out another groan. I kissed Barnes… How in the world did I think that was going to work out? The alcohol… I had actually kissed him, wearing only my underwear and knowing he only saw a little girl he had to protect… Another knock on the door. It started bothering me, so I got up and ripped the door open.  
“What?!” Great, him I needed…  
“Wow… What got your panties in a knot?”  
“None of your business! What do you want Barton?” He raised his eyebrows and held up his hands in defence.  
“Don’t shoot the messenger. Nat is going to take a few days longer, so you are stuck with us. What are you waiting for? Get dressed already, we are going to be sparring for some hours.” I rolled my eyes at him.  
“Sorry, not interested…” He looked at me like I was one of his children.  
“Get dressed, girl. If you’re not out in five minutes I will kick in the door and drag you down by your hair.”

It took me four minutes to get ready and followed Clint with a grumpy face. Up until now I had never been down here before.  
“Hey. Is she working out with us today? I thought Natasha wanted to take care of that.” Steve raised his eyebrows in question.  
“Tasha will be gone another couple of days and this can’t wait any longer. Not after what happened at the party…” So they were not even considering too ask my opinion. I had my hands buried deep in my pockets and kicked against the wall to my left. Clint grabbed my arm and shoved me towards the door.  
“There is the entrance. Mind the stairs.” Great. With the force he shoved me with I landed right on my nose and Steve helped me back to my feet. The day wouldn’t get any better.  
“Today’s not going to be your day, huh?” I shook my head at Roger’s comment.

“So how are we going to go about this?” Clint looked at Steve and Sam.  
“I am all for her learning to fight but, sorry Ann, I am out. There is a reason why I never became an instructor.” Sam raised his hands and took a step back.  
“So nobody is going to ask what I want?” I glared at them very well aware that going back to bed was no option.  
“I will do it.” That voice that always had me forget everything…  
“I got some experience in training civilians.” Steve nodded at that.  
“Great. Now that that is out of the way, I am going for a run. Anyone want to join in?” Haha, very funny Barton! First he forces me out of bed and now he would just leave me here. Sam joined him and Steve decided to stay for a bit although he was already done with his work out.  
“Let’s get you war first, doll. Start running.” I let out a loud sigh. It wouldn’t do me any good if I refused to just suck it up and go with it. In the end it was to my benefit and I knew that. For about twenty minutes he had me running until he decided my muscles were warm enough.  
We started off with me learning how to make a proper fist and how to hit without hurting myself, slowly working up in speed. We quickly went over to him showing me how to deflect blows from my body and how to use the movement to my advantage. He came at my left shoulder and I deflected the blow as he had shown me earlier.  
“Keep your eyes open.” A second later I collided hard with the floor as he had pulled my legs from under me.  
“Again. Try to keep your feet in mind. Never be predictable.” He pulled me back up and we started over again.

We did the same manoeuvre over and over and to my surprise we were quickly picking up speed in doing so. Barnes attacked again but instead of deflecting him I turned into his assault. I rammed my elbow up against his chin and threw my body against his much larger frame. Taken by surprise he lost his footing and went down, pulling me with him in the process.  
I looked down on him and couldn’t help laughing. I actually did it. Soon my laughter made room for embarrassment as I realized I was actually straddling his lap.  
“Good job.” He grinned up at me and I couldn’t help feeling really proud of myself.  
“Still. Never underestimate your opponent until he is unconscious or dead.” Without warning he gripped my legs and had turned us around so now I was lying under him.  
“Got you, doll.” He grinned, his face mere inches from mine. His right hand let go of my leg and he propped himself up on it next to my head. His left still held tightly onto my other leg.  
Shit, he was so close. Even if he wasn’t his eyes held me captive none the less.  
“Barnes…” I let out a surprised shriek when he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine. His grasp on my leg tightened a little more as he deepened the kiss and I started feeling so dizzy. The moment seemed to last forever and I completely forgot the world around us.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. It has been a while... Thank you for waiting so patiently for me to further translate and post a new chapter. I hope you still enjoy the story and that it will make up for the long time.

I wanted to protest when his lips finally left mine.  
“Damn it, doll…” His eyes seemed even brighter than they already were. I wasn’t really sure anymore what captured me most, his eyes or his lips. I wanted nothing more than to tighten my arms around his neck and force him not to stop again.  
“Already starting teaching her ground techniques? Is she really that talented, Barnes?” I flinched inside while Bucky had already regained control.  
“Yeah Clint. She is a natural. Give me a few weeks and she will kick your lazy ass.” He got back to his feet and pulled me with him as if nothing had happened. Why was I the only one freaking out here?  
“He didn’t go easy on you, huh? You seem pretty out of it, kid.” My skin flushed an even deeper red and I cautiously looked between Clint and Sam. Barne’s face didn’t give away anything.  
“One of you two is going up against me next. Didn’t even break a sweat, yet.”

Two hours and a hot shower later I was sitting in the kitchen with my cup of coffee. My thoughts kept revolving around that kiss. I felt like I could still feel the pressure of his lips against mine. That I could still taste him. Even when the kiss was kind of chaste it felt so intense at that moment. Someone entered the kitchen while I stared out of the window, deep in thought.  
“We need to talk, doll.” His hands were on my shoulders and I could feel his body heat against my back. I turned around in my chair to look at him. He was leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Damn, it should be forbidden to look so sexy while doing nothing.  
“Look. What happened down there…” I just looked at him.  
“It was nice…” My voice was barely a whisper and I bit my lip as soon as the words left me. He looked at me with a serious expression.  
“Yes it was… But that is not what I was trying to say. It was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I took advantage of you just because I thought… It doesn’t really matter now what I thought. It was wrong and it won’t happen again.” I froze. Was he being serious?! Apparently my face gave away what I was thinking.  
“Doll… I wish I could give you what you seek. But I can’t. I am not good for you. One day or another I will hurt you. And I fear I wouldn’t be able to endure how you’d look at me then.”  
“And it doesn’t matter what I think?” My voice was weak.  
“I am sorry but it doesn’t. You might not see it now but it is for the better if we are just friends. I wish we had met under different circumstances. It is just not possible with a past like mine.” With that being said he left me in the kitchen. Again alone with my thoughts and without the opportunity to give him some piece of mind.

Bucky’s POV:

He was walking the halls aimlessly. He hated himself for leaving her like that. It was the right thing to do. Better to hurt her now emotionally than maybe later physically and beyond repair. At least he tried telling himself that. He leaned against the wall and slowly slid down.  
What was he thinking when he kissed her? He just couldn’t help it when she was first on top of him and then under. It had felt so right to have her panting beneath him. It had taken all his restraint to remain gentle and not just take what he wanted. Parting from her when he heard Barton and Wilson outside had been the hardest part.  
He shook his head and pressed his metal fingers against the back of his nose. It wasn’t anything like he hadn’t gone through every possible scenario a million times in his head. And none of those had worked out in a good way. He would hurt her, emotionally and most likely physically, he was sure of it. He just needed to be careless for one second, let his guard down around her for just the briefest moment and she was dead…  
He let out a frustrated growl. It felt so wrong imagining her with another man. Maybe there was one he trusted to make her happy. Steve could be the man she needed… If he thought back to both of them at the bar during the party. He was the only one worthy of her. The only one he could allow to be that close…  
What was he thinking? He had no right to think about her future in that manner. He could teach her how to fight. He could be there if she needed him. But he couldn’t have her. Never!

end of Bucky’s POV

I had been sitting on the couch for a few hours now. Just staring into nothingness, without paying attention to my surroundings or what was playing on the TV. Even the weather seemed to have adopted my current mood. Grey, foggy and barely any sun. Just a few minutes back it had started raining. My only comfort right now was my dog, which was actually with me and not someone from the team for a change. Absentmindedly I caressed his right ear, which was his favourite spot. Especially if he could lie completely across my lap as right now. Funny how a grown german shepherd could think he was the size of a guinea pig. I let out a deep sigh.  
“You’re okay?” Steve slowly entered the living room, carrying a mug that smelled of hot chocolate. I just shook my head no and looked back at Elliot in my lap. He started wagging his tail and looked at Steve curiously. He patted the dog’s head and sat down next to me.  
“I think you could use that more than I do.” He held the mug out to me and I took it in both hands. The warmth was comforting and after several minutes of silence I let myself fall against the avenger. He just put his arm around me and laid his head on top of mine.  
“That bad, huh?”  
“Yes…” He took a deep breath.  
“Is there anything I can do to make it better?” I shook my head again.  
“You can’t help. Maybe you can just hold me a while longer. I fear if you let go now, I will just start to fall apart…” He didn’t comment on that statement. Instead Steve told Elliot to get off the couch and pulled me onto his lap.  
“If you want to talk, you just talk. Otherwise we can just sit here as long as you need it. Maybe we can find something with a little more substance than the advertising channel.”  
“That’d be nice.” I looked up at him. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”  
“You know that I care for my team. And you are a part of it.” He smiled back at me and so we stayed on the couch for the remainder of the afternoon.


	19. Chapter 19

In the early evening I was still sitting cuddled up against Steve, only now was I sitting next to him. It made me uncomfortable sitting in his lap after a while and even if he assured me otherwise I insisted that I was too heavy. We both looked up at the person entering the living room hesitantly.  
“I’m going to bed…” I got up from the couch and passed by Barnes. He reached out for me but I simply dodged his hand.  
“What did you do this time, Buck? She didn’t say a single word all afternoon.” Steve kept his voice low and I hurried to leave them behind. I didn’t want to hear the answer, didn’t want to hear his voice. Elliot wasn’t here anymore since Clint’s kids had asked if their dad could bring home the cute dog again. Since Elliot loved kids I didn’t have any objections towards Barton taking him for the rest of the day.

“Sorry…” Deep in my thoughts I had walked straight into someone.  
“I am sure I could reignite the fire in those eyes.” My eyes darted upwards. That smug grin again. I really didn’t have any nerve for that now. I decided to just ignore him, hoping he would get bored at some point and just leave me be. I made it halfway around him when he stepped in my way again and looked down on me.  
“Enlighten me, pet. What is that thing between Barnes and you? I can smell him on you.”  
“None of your fucking business!”, I snapped. Again I tried to round him. He made a step off to the side and was now behind me. His hands settled on my waist and stopped me from walking further. His breath was hot against my cool skin and he almost buried his nose in my hair as he inhaled deeply.  
“Hmm… Can’t be too serious. His scent is too weak. Otherwise it would be all over your body…” His lips brushed lightly against the shell of my ear. “But again, it isn’t. That means he doesn’t care enough to claim you before someone else can…” He struck a nerve with that and I had to bite my tongue. I wouldn’t give this bastard the satisfaction to see me cry. Where inside the Stark Tower was I anyways? I hadn’t paid any attention to where I was going.  
“The others know where I am…”, I tried to threaten him. His reaction was to pull me closer and he chuckled in my ear.  
“Oh, my beautiful little thing…Are you really trying to deceive the greatest deceiver of them all? Try a little more creativity next time. We both know you just told our two superheroes that you are going back to your room and wish not to be disturbed.” My intestines felt like they were drenched in cold water. His left hand krept up my spine and with a little force he pulled my head back with his fist full of my hair. He didn’t hurt me but made sure I was well aware of who was in charge here.  
“Why don’t we have a little talk, now that I finally got you all to myself and without any distractions?” I didn’t like the idea of being alone with him one bit. His left hand was still in my hair and forced me to look up at him while he was still behind me. His right hand took a hold of my face and he liked his lips.  
“If you are a good little pet, you might even enjoy this.” His eyes got even darker and I hated the way his eyes roamed my body. I just wanted to get away from him, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I stepped on his foot with as much force as possible and tried whirling around to punch him in the face. He caught my arms with ease and my kick didn’t cause any reaction at all.

“As I said before, I like a little challenge. Mmmhh… I must say, I really like the scent of pine needles on you when you get angry.” Loki took a hold of both my wrists and forced them first over and then behind my head with no effort. I started thrashing around, tried to somehow free myself from his grasp. I just couldn’t get my hands free.  
“Why can’t you just leave me alone, bastard?!” Slowly I was getting really angry about him manhandling me.  
“You think you get to me with that? True, I am a bastard. But I can live with that quite well. But leaving you alone? I don’t think so. There is something about you that fascinates me. You are different from the other mortals.” He let out a short laugh that never reached his eyes while his mouth remained just inches from my face. “Oh and I always get what I want in the end. You will be begging me to listen to all your little secrets. But let’s not rush into things. I think I might just take the time and have a little fun with you, pet.” There was a noise in the hallway to my left and suddenly I fell to the ground. I looked around but I was completely alone.  
“There you are. I was starting to get worried where you might have wandered off to, since you told Steve you were going to bed but your room was empty.” I let out a relieved sigh upon recognising Thor.  
“Guess I took a wrong turn and got a little lost.”  
“Good thing I found you then. Stark and I would like to talk to you if you have the time. I read through Asgard’s records and Tony seems to have found something as well. We might just have found out what causes the anomalia in your blood.” I was on my feet in no time. I hoped this wasn’t another of Loki’s tricks and followed Thor as he motioned towards the way he came. What could it be that they found out about me?


	20. Chapter 20

“Ah perfect. I thought I’d need Friday to search the entire building for you.” Tony looked up briefly when I entered with Thor.  
“Are the others not going to be here?” He shook his head.  
“I will call them here later. Sit down, kid.” Thor pulled out a chair for me and pushed me closer to the table, once I was settled. He leaned against the table next to me and Tony pushed an open envelope towards me. It had my name on it.  
“What is that?” Both looked at each other.  
“A few days ago we found this among Michael’s belongings. You should read the letter before we continue.” Tony cleared his throat and gave me an encouraging smile. 

_My dearest sister,_

_Now that you are reading this, I assume I am already dead. I want you to know, no matter the things I am going to explain in the following, I always loved you very much. That our parents did everything they could for you._

_Ann, we aren’t really siblings and our parents aren’t your birth parents. You won’t remember anything about your real parents, you were only a few days old when you came into our family (there is a picture of your real parents in the envelope). I know all of this is confusing and a lot to take in right now. I am trying to explain it as simply as possible.  
You probably remember the attack on New York a few years back, when the Avengers first came out of the shell. You might have also heard of the organisation behind them: S.H.I.E.L.D. Well, I work for them and not for some insurance company like you always thought. I was part of the local crisis management, which means every time something went wrong it was my job to cover it up. Mom and dad also worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. (I don’t really remember what they did since I was just a kid, but I think dad was often on some mission out of town and mom did something in administration)._

_About the reasons why you had to be separated from your birth parents and you were never told that you were adopted I sadly don’t know that much. I know they were former Hydra agents (a terroristic association formed during the NS regime). They became double agents and at the time of your birth they were on the run from Hydra. A few days after your adoption they found them and they were executed. The other thing I know is that there was something with your blood, that is why you never went to the hospital but instead to this specialised clinic up north. I am really sorry you had to give up on so many things because of all those made up allergies for cover._

_I am sorry I don’t have more answers for you, you must have so many questions now. I just want to ask one thing of you: whatever you do, don’t try to find out anything about our or your real parents on your own. I fear Hydra might find you after all these years if you suddenly start digging. Should anything happen to me, S.H.I.E.L.D. will find you. You will know whom to trust. They will help you to understand all of this mess._

_I am really sorry, sis. I wish it would have never been necessary to tell you all of this. I would have done anything to keep this away from you, so you could live your life the way you want. After what happened in Mexico you deserved a normal and happy life. I hope one day you will have that._

_I will always love you_

_your brother_

I could feel hot tears on my cheeks. So those were those famous last words... Michael always kept me safe. In the end at the expanse of his own life. Thor stood behind me and put his hands on my shoulders in a soothing manner. I took in a deep breath while Tony gave me time to regain my cool.  
“All of what your brother explained in his letter you already knew. Cut in any time it gets too complicated. I did some research on my own. I got my hands on some closed Hydra documents. They always experimented a lot, what Sergeant Barnes can confirm with his own sad story. Up to today it is still little known how much Hydra invested in genetic research and genetic manipulation. Your birth parents turned to S.H.I.E.L.D when your mother was forced to take part in that research while she was pregnant with you. She didn’t suffer any side effects but those experiments had an impact on you. And I am afraid that we are now starting to experience those impacts.” I tried to put what Tony just explained together with what I already knew.  
“So I am the result of some genetic experiment…” Stark shook his head.  
“No. You are still your parent’s child. Hydra just modified your body by giving you a serum they developed. That is why your blood shows those differences. We could isolate something that resembles a mighty artefact from Asgard, which we came across during the attack on New York. It gave your blood more power, made you faster. We might see how much it really will change you now that those genetic manipulations started showing.”  
“So I really am the freak they called me back in school.” My voice was only a whisper.  
“You are not a freak. Different, yes.. But not a freak.” Thor came to stand beside me and I looked up at him. “While Stark did his research here, I went back to Asgard to go through our own archives. What Tony found in your blood is part of an old lineage of my people. That is why you have this scent on you, which Loki picked up right away the moment he met you.” I was getting more and more confused, the more they told me.

“I don’t understand anything anymore.”  
“You might have noticed a change in your reactions. If you are angry for example. You killed that man that came after you though you would have needed years of training to do so.” I slowly nodded. “That is because of what is in your blood. It awakened and is now getting stronger every day. I am still not one hundred percent sure since I couldn’t talk to my father yet. But if I am right, you share some blood with an ol lineage of asgardian warriors. Well, no mere warriors… You share blood with a Valkyrie. A shieldmaiden of Asgard.” I looked at him as if struck by lightning.  
“You are making fun of me.” The god of thunder shook his head.  
“I would never joke about something like that.”  
“He is right. As far as we could find out, Hydra tried following their NS ideology based on teutonism and find a way to mix fiction and reality together. A few years prior to your birth they found some bone fragments of a Valkyrie that died on this planet a few hundred years back. They experimented on the DNA, extracted certain sequences. Over the years they found a way to mold those sequences with human DNA. You were the first embryo to survive that procedure. Nobody knew if and when the talents they gave you would show. When your parents realised what your survival meant for your future they turned to S.H.I.E.L.D. for help. They knew that they would only get away from Hydra in a body bag, so they asked that someone would find a way to at least save you. They didn’t know who your adoptive parents were. For your own safety there were no official records and up until a few weeks back the organisation managed to keep your existence and identity a secret.”  
It was all too much. I got to my feet and started pacing the room anxiously.  
“Basically you are saying that my DNA is partially originating from something I always thought to be myths. And that we have no idea how that will affect me… But what does Hydra want with me?” Thor and Tony exchanged another look.  
“You were supposed to be used as a weapon. Same as they used Barnes when he was still the Winter Soldier. And if they can’t get their hands on you they will do everything to destroy you.” Destroy me…  
“They will try to kill me if I don’t cooperate with them?”  
“I am afraid it is not quite that simple, kid. If they get their hands on you, they won’t ask nicely if you’d like to work with them. They will torture you, break your mind until you follow orders without second guessing.” I sat back down, my legs no longer able to hold my weight. Yesterday I was just the girl next door that got somehow caught up in events that normally wouldn’t concern her. And today there were sudden changes. Everything was different now. Different in a way I would have neer imagined.


	21. Chapter 21

“You’re good?” Tony was leaning on the table in front of me and watched me carefully.  
“It’s a lot to take in but I am okay.”  
“You want to wait a few days before telling the rest of the team?” I shook my head.  
“What for? They are all kind of involved in this, I guess. The longer we wait the tougher things will get. This way we can find a solution together regarding how we want to deal with whatever there is to deal.” He ruffled through my hair.  
“Let’s get the team up here. Friday, inform everyone we have a meeting in twenty.”  
“Of course, sir.”  
Twenty minutes later one by one filled into the conference room. I had reclined into my chair, legs hanging over one armrest and my head propped up on an elbow on the other. Steve and Bucky were the last ones to come in. Apparently they had just finished working out since Steve’s hair was still wet and Barnes was rubbing a towel over his wet hair. When his eyes found mine, my heart skipped a beat. Immediately he made his way over and kneeled down in front of me.  
“Everything alright, doll?” I took a deep breath. No matter what was going on between us at the moment, I needed a friend right now. And he made me feel safe.  
“More or less. Can you just stay here?” He straightened himself but stayed behind me with his metal hand on my shoulder.  
“I will stay right by your side. Promised.” The glare he shot Loki on the other side of the room didn’t go unnoticed by me. On instinct I reached for his hand and he gave it a short squeeze to let me know he was there. Steve slumped down in the chair to my left and laid his hand on my overhanging legs. Both men giving a clear message towards the god that it would be wise to stay on the other side of the room.  
“So, what is the big news?” Clint leaned against the wall next to the door with his arms crossed over his chest. Tony cleared his throat and looked at me. I just shook my head, I didn’t want to talk. So he explained in a shorter version what he and Thor just told me. Everyone was either looking at me or at the floor. Out of all the looks, I hated the one Loki gave me the most. At some point I had gotten out of my seat, too anxious to sit still any longer. The urge to just leave the room getting stronger every second. Barnes had noticed Loki’s gaze as well. He put an end to me pacing around by simply pulling me back first against his front. His arms were firm around me as he leaned down to whisper in my ear.  
“Can you manage? Otherwise I’ll get you to your room.” I gave him a weak smile.  
“I think I am good for now. But thank you.” The warmth of his embrace was nice and helped to calm me down a little. When I looked over once more, Loki cocked an eyebrow in a mocking way. Without thinking much about it I pressed back into the safety of the body behind me.

“So what exactly does this mean for us now?” Steve watched me carefully.  
“That we basically have no idea what to expect at all. If I got Barnes’s statement correct, she developed quite the talent for full contact combat. And Banner isn’t sure to which degree her body’s regeneration rate is to be blamed on her DNA. How fast the gunshot wound healed could be indicating that those abilities are also getting stronger.”  
“It is extremely difficult for me to manipulate her mind.” Everyone turned towards Loki and Bucky let out a low growl. “Somehow she managed to block me off completely. I can barely get inside her head. Even if she knew I was trying to do it, she shouldn’t be able to build up more than a little resistance.” Loki was completely fixated on me.  
“Bastard!”, I hissed, which resulted in him grinning proudly.  
“Oh, I’d love to know everything going on in that pretty head…”  
“If I were in your shoes, I would choose my next words carefully, Laufeyson.” Barnes’s voice was dangerously calm. Tony cut in before the situation could get out of hand.  
“As I said before: we have basically no idea what she is capable of doing. One thing is certain, she cannot fall into the hands of Hydra. And until we know exactly what we are dealing with we need to proceed with caution. I would appreciate it if Barnes and Rogers could train you more thoroughly, dependent on how your skills develop.”  
“Should her talents really go down that road, I would like to participate in her training. The Valkyries always fought with axes and swords. And I would like to see her at least be able to handle a sword properly.” Everyone nodded at Thor’s words. I was a little more sceptical. Sure, me fighting with a sword. In my hands a butter knife already became as dangerous as a butcher’s knife. Great idea putting a deadly weapon in my hands.  
“I think for now that should be all. Everything else we can deal with when it comes to that.”

“Time to get you something to eat, doll.” I looked up when Bucky’s hands found their way onto my shoulders.  
“I am in no mood to cook right now.”, I mumbled. He smiled at me and guided me towards the door with his hand on my lower back.  
“I didn’t say that you have to cook. I’ll make you something to eat.” I looked at him in surprise. Why had I never thought about the fact that he came from a time where practically everybody was able to cook?  
“Most of the time it even tastes good.” Steve laughed and followed us.  
Half an hour later I could definitely confirm Steve’s words. Even if it was nothing special, the burgers Bucky put together were the best I ever had.  
“This is so good…” I took another bite from my burger and couldn’t help the almost obscene moan that escaped me. Barnes laughed at that before his face suddenly went dark with annoyance. What…?  
“Maybe I could pull those noises from you as well.” I almost choked on my food. Before he could do anything I motioned for Barnes to stay down for now and cleaned my hands on a napkin. I turned around to face Loki.  
“The only thing you will ever achieve will be me gagging.” His mischievous smile grew even bigger and I instantly regretted my words.  
“Hmmm. I think this is not an appropriate place to do that. That is unless you like an audience. I have no problem with somebody watching me.” Enough was enough. I made a fist, just like Bucky had shown me, and punched the god right in the face.  
“Ouch!” I held my fist against my chest and carefully moved my fingers. Why did nobody tell me that actually punching someone hurt like hell? Loki wiped his fingers across his bottom lip, which had split a little. At least I achieved something apart from hurting myself. He looked at me and opened his mouth to say something. In an instant Barnes had rounded the table and quickly pushed me to stand behind him.  
“I swear to God, my patience with you and your bullshit is wearing thinner by the minute. God or not, you come close to her again…” To my surprise Loki just nodded and left the kitchen without another word. Bucky turned around and gently took my hand in his for inspection.  
“Let me have a look at that. Can you move your fingers?”  
“Yes but it hurts like a bitch…” He looked at me with a soft expression on his face.  
“The pain will wear off. As long as you can move your fingers nothing is broken. I’ll get an ice pack.”

He put the ice pack in a towel, grabbed my plate and maneuvered me over towards the couch. When I sat down my shirt slipped up an inch or two and I hurriedly pulled it back down. But it was already too late. Bucky put my plate on the table and crouched down in front of me. Carefully he touched my side with his metal hand.  
“What is that?” I avoided his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. “Doll? Where did you get those scars?” I felt the tears welling up. Could I really talk to him about that part of my life? He already saw the scars…  
“This isn’t a pretty story, Barnes.” He sat down next to me without taking his eyes off of me.  
“I don’t need a pretty story when I ask you what happened to you. I want to know where those scars come from and why you try to hide them from me. And why you start crying instead of just talking to me. Hey, look at me.” He gently took my face in his hands and made me look at him. “You know that you can talk to me about anything, don’t you? No matter how horrible, I promise you, it can’t be worse than my past.”  
I closed my eyes, I couldn’t bear to look into his if he expected me to talk. When he brought me back to my room after Tony’s party he couldn’t see the scars in the dark. Pulling up the shirt and revealing the skin to him now took everything I had. His fingers hovered closely over the tainted skin.  
“What happened to you?” The skin of my stomach was littered with scars of various sizes. What he couldn’t see right now was that my back looked even worse. Slowly I covered the skin again.  
“The man from the hospital… Mexico…” The tears now started falling. Without saying anything he pulled me into his lap so that I was facing him. I grabbed the front of his shirt and buried my face in the crook of his neck. I needed time before I would be able to speak. He looped his arms around my waist and pulled me flush against him while stroking my back.  
“Take your time, doll. You talk when you are ready. We got all night.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!
> 
> So this chapter might be a little much for some people, so please don't read the itallics if you are triggered by the following (trigger warning: rape, abuse, domestic violence). I am still not sure if I maybe went a little too far with this, but at the time I wrote this background story it felt right.
> 
> Anyone suffering from a trauma like this or being in a relationship like that: get out! You deserve better and it is not your fault! Get help!

" _After I finished school I went to Mexico. I saved some money and I wanted to work for a humanitarian aid organisation that mainly cared for children left behind on the run and victims of drug criminality. I went down to Mexico together with a good friend of mine and we shared an apartment outside Nuevo Laredo. I loved the work, especially with the kids. The staff changed a lot since a lot of people were only there for a short amount of time but some lived not far behind the border so they were there on a daily basis. Daniel was one of them… He was kind, always did more than what was expected of him. He showed my friend and me a lot of Mexico on our days off. It was nice being around him and we just clicked. At least I thought so in the beginning. After one year I got the offer to stay in Mexico and even get paid for working there. My friend went back to Nebraska, to study law. Since I got along with Daniel real good I moved in with him._

_Things were really great despite him being a little jealous from time to time. Back then I thought a little jealousy was normal. I don't really remember when he started to change. It happened so slow I only realised it when it was too late. I started hanging out with friends less and less and he managed that I really thought that was my own decision. I stayed home more and had less contact with people apart from him. If my brother called and asked how I was doing, I always told him that I still loved my work, that my relationship was great and so on. Maybe I pretended for so long that I started believing it myself._

_Someday he would only let me out of the apartment when I was wearing shirts with long sleeves and no short pants. Anything that would show the slightest amount of cleavage was completely out of the question and he would raise his voice. Even that I accepted, telling myself that he just didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression about me. Later he got angry about me wearing mascara, that wasn't appropriate for a woman who was spoken for. It got more absurd every day.  
One evening a colleague gave me a ride home because I had a flat tire. I was only wearing a t-shirt because it was so hot outside. I will never forget that day. It was the first time he hit me… Back then he did it with his hand only. He was so angry, he told me I should have called him. That I should have waited for him locked inside my car. I shouldn't have agreed to my colleague giving me a ride. I shouldn't have, at least he said I did, presented myself to the guy like a common whore. He accused me over and over again that I was cheating on him with Raul and we were both laughing about him. I tried convincing him that he was wrong, that I only loved him. He beat me up so heavily that I had to hide my face under make up for over a week._

_In the beginning I thought that wasn't him. That he didn't mean it. I blamed myself for him thinking I was cheating. I told myself that he would never do that again, which he promised me in tears.  
A week later we went grocery shopping. One of the boys I was responsible for was there. I talked to him for a minute and he made some of his usual jokes. Nothing extreme or out of line. Bacak home I knew something was wrong the second he locked the door. I was putting away the groceries when he grabbed me from behind and dragged me to the bedroom by my hair. I asked what had gotten into him. He just slapped me and pushed me onto our bed. He yelled at me what an ugly and lying whore I was. That I would spread my legs for just any male staff member at work and only refused to please him. I tried to fight him off but he was on top of me and tied my hands to the bedpost. He didn't stop yelling at me and I begged him to stop and just let me go. I told him that I loved him and that I was sorry for whatever I did to lose his trust. He just screamed at me to stop lying and that he would teach me a lesson so I'd never forget who I belong to. That was the first time he raped me…_

_In that moment I finally realised that I needed to get out, that I needed help. One of my colleagues promised to help me get away. I gave him almost all of my savings for provisions, official documents and so on. The morning he was supposed to pick me up I thought I made it. Sadly I had no idea he was Daniel's friend. He brought me to a small house way off the highway where Daniel was already waiting for us. I will never forget the way he looked at me when he dragged me out of the car. He kept me in the barn for days. Tied to the ceiling, my feet barely touching the ground. Two times a day he brought a small bucket so I could go to the toilet. I didn't get to eat or drink anything. At some point I stopped keeping track of how many times he raped me…  
He always kept yelling at me that I didn't get to eat because I was a fat and ugly whore. That I was running around other men like a bitch in heat and that that was the reason he got to treat me like an animal. He often beat me up, in the early days he mostly hit my face. There was no need to be careful of someone seeing the bruises anymore. Later he prefered a cattle whip. His favourite spot was my back until I was bleeding. Sometimes he hit my stomach… For that he tied me to a bench so I couldn't shy away. He always said he would continue to use the whip until he was sure I didn't get myself impregnated by someone else. That's where most of my scars are from. From time to time he would stab me with a knife, stating nobody would want to fuck a woman with so many ugly scars on her fat and ugly body…_

_Even after he moved me over and into the house there was no real change in his behaviour. He didn't beat me up as often as before. But he still raped me at least once a day. He wanted a child, so nobody would look at me anymore because I was his property. He tried branding me with his initials… Lucky for me that didn't work out. I still don't know where he got the medication but he started putting me under with psychopharmaceuticals.  
One day he came home and presented me a forged marriage certificate. I would go nowhere, every hospital would immediately contact and inform him about my whereabouts._

_I don't remember much of the time after that because of the drugs. Don't ask me how but somehow I managed to get away. When the drugs started wearing off I tried to somehow get back home. I was gone for over three years. Only when my brother insisted I filed a lawsuit against Daniel. I was too afraid that he would find me. When there was no more news on him, I assumed the police got him. I started to forget and got psychological support to deal with the trauma_.

I somehow fought my way back. That is why I became a nurse. To help other people. I really thought I started a new life. And then all of this happened. You couldn't have known what you did by bringing me to the hospital. After three years after I left, he found me because the hospital called him to tell him I had been submitted to the ambulance. I was so afraid he would take me away again. I just barely got away before he managed to get me pregnant…  
I fear the moment the police have to let him go again. He will find me. I am broken. Because of him. He broke me. That is why I think I am not beautiful. Because he literally beat me to believe that I am fat and ugly…"

I had no more tears to shed. I was still sitting in Bucky's lap and busied my fingers by playing with the white fabric of his tank top. I couldn't look him in the eyes, I wouldn't be able to bear the compassion in them. He let out a long sigh and brushed his hands over his face and through his hair before putting them back on my hips. I just breathed until I felt the soft pressure of his lips against my forehead.  
"I am sorry, doll. For you having lived through such a trauma and that he found you after all those years. I am sorry that you have Hydra after you on top of what he did to you. I…" I finally looked up at him. "Let me promise you something… No matter what happens, I will always look out for you. Whenever you need someone to talk to, you come to me. I will teach you how to fight, so no one can do something like that to you ever again. And if necessary, I'd give…" He looked at me in surprise when I put my hand over his mouth.  
"Please, don't say you would give your life to protect me. You are too important for this team and for the people…" He took my hand and pressed a kiss to the inside.  
"How is it possible that after all that happened to you, you still think of others first?"  
"Because it sometimes is easier to be strong for someone else than for yourself."

We stayed on the couch for quite some time, without saying anything. I was still in his lap, toying with the hem of his shirt. He had his hands on me and his head leaned against mine. I sighed, it had gotten quite late and I was exhausted. Slowly I slipped from his lap.  
"Are you staying for a while longer? I can turn on the light for you." He got to his feet and took my hand in his.  
"I'll drop you off at your room."  
When we got there I hesitated and turned around towards him. He was leaning with his shoulder against the wall, hands buried in his pockets.  
"Thank you, Bucky. For everything." He looked down at me when I made a step towards him and kissed his cheek. Before he could say anything, I disappeared in my room and closed the door. I slowly slid down against the wood and listened to his heavy steps leaving after a minute.


	23. Chapter 23

I had been in a deep and dreamless sleep. But that was good, it was the first time in a long time that I didn’t have any nightmares. Even if I didn’t know why, on the other hand it really didn’t matter. Last time I slept so good was when… When I fell asleep on the couch with Bucky. Maybe it really was possible to just be friends. He made me feel safe and it felt good to have someone to talk to besides Nat.  
I stood in front of my wardrobe and for once I didn’t know what to wear. Guess there is a first time for everything. I looked out of the window, apparently the day would be nice and warm. So I decided on a loose fitting black dress, that fell down to my knees and covered up all of me which I didn’t like.

Half an hour later I found myself in the kitchen. A cup of hot coffee sitting next to me on the counter. I was whipping some cream since I decided to make some strawberry cake.  
“Mmmh… Cake.” Barnes and Rogers came into the kitchen. What was it with them only appearing as a team lately?  
“Hey.” I stopped the hand mixer. “I was feeling like… Sergeant Barnes!” While I had been occupied with Steve, Bucky had grabbed the bowl with the whipped cream and now gave me his most innocent face. With a huge grin he put the bowl back on the kitchen counter. Of course he couldn't resist the urge to swipe his finger through the cream once.  
I rolled my eyes at his back as he made himself a cup of coffee.I decided that I was good to put the cake together. Where was the cake ring? Of course… On top of one of the shelves just short out of my reach. I leaned on the counter and tried reaching it anyways. A cold hand touched my lower back and Bucky reached over my head for the ring.  
“You could have just asked, doll. Not that it is such a challenge but we are both much taller than you are.” Offended I slapped his shoulder and yelped. I had completely forgotten that I tried to rearrange Loki’s jaw yesterday. All playfulness was instantly gone from Barnes’s face.  
“Oh don’t give me that look now. I just forgot about my finger for a second. And it isn’t really my fault your shoulder is so tough.” I tried to keep up the light mood. Still a little sceptical he took my hand in his and gave my fingers a once over. When I didn’t give much of a reaction he seemed satisfied with the outcome of his examination. Still he didn’t let go of my hand.  
“You look cute.” He made me twirl around myself once. “I still don’t like it when you wear your hair in a bun.” I dodged his hand.  
“As long as I am working in the kitchen, the bun stays.”  
“And if I don’t accept that?” He gave me an intense look and I stuck out my tongue at him.  
“Then you need to learn to live with not always getting what you want.” I slapped my hand over my mouth, instantly regretting the words. With a soft smile he pulled me into a gentle hug.  
“It’s alright, doll.” I relaxed against and flinched a second later when he pulled the needle out of my hair and let it cascade down my back.  
“You…”  
“I what, doll?”

Steve cleared his throat awkwardly. He watched us closely. Honestly it must have been a little weird seeing us like this.  
“Maybe one of you can explain to me what it is with the two of you? First you get along, then you avoid each other and now you are fooling around. I don’t get it anymore. Buck?” He just looked at his best friend and reluctantly let go of me.  
“Don’t know what you are talking about.” He took his mug and left. I stared after him with a confused expression on my face.  
“Ann?” I smiled at Steve, still a little confused. It wasn’t like him not to talk to Rogers.  
“I really have no answer for you. I know he can… he is a very good friend.” I let out a sigh. Steve got out of his seat and leaned against the table in front of me with his arms crossed.  
“But it is not what you want him to be.” It was a statement rather than a question. I leaned against the counter, mimicking his pose.  
“It isn’t as easy as wanting or not wanting something, Steve. I… It is just not possible. We can only be friends. I am damaged goods. My past and now all that stuff involving Hydra… I don’t even know who I am at the moment. He deserves more than that, someone who isn’t as broken as me. He said it himself, the kiss was a mistake…”  
“Wait a second. What kiss?!” My eyes shot towards him and I turned a bright crimson red.  
“It was nothing! It didn’t mean anything. It is not important!” I hurriedly turned my back on him.  
“What do you mean it meant nothing? Are those your words or his?” I bit my lip hard.  
“Steve, please. It is better this…”  
“Are you really sure it was nothing? I know Bucky, better than anyone.”  
“Just leave it alone. I have to deal with so much right now, I don’t need this on top.” He had turned me around to face him and I was now lightly pushing against his chest to get him to back off a little. I needed to finish my cake before the cream collapsed again. Steve didn’t say anything for a while, just watched me place the strawberries on the baked batter and cover them with the whipped cream. I repeated the process two times and spread the cake with cream. I decorated it with chocolate chips and a few more sliced strawberries.  
“Here.” I held the bowl filled with the last of the cream out to Steve. Either he ate it or cleaned it. Instead he scooped some onto his finger and tapped it against my nose.  
“Stop the grumpy face.” I had to smile at that and scooped some up to get back at him. Of course he was much faster than I was and caught my wrists. He looked at me for a second before he surprised me by putting my finger between his lips and cleaned off the cream. I looked at him a little dumbfounded. What he just did irritated me.

“So we are actually allowed to have a taste. Why was I not informed that Barnes isn’t the only one with an interest here? I would have participated much sooner.” Of course the bastard had to show up right now. He looked me up and down.  
“Looks tasty. The cake…”, he grinned.  
“Whatever you meant, stay the hell away from her!” Whenever Barnes had returned to the kitchen, he seemed furious. Beyond furious, downright murderous. I just acted and didn’t think about it. Before he could pounce on Loki I blocked his way by stepping in front of him. Fuming he stopped in his tracks.  
“Get out of the way, doll.”  
“No!”, I said with more confidence than I was feeling. Barnes’s eyes were fixed on the god behind me and he let out an angry growl.  
“James, look at me.” I put my hands against his face, willing him to listen. I had never before used his actual name but that seemed to be the one thing to pull him back. His eyes found mine and I could see the shock that I had stepped between them.  
“Steve, can you please put the cake in the fridge?” I didn’t look at him, holding eye contact with his best friend.  
“Sure.”  
“If you know what is good for you, you leave right now, Loki.” I didn’t turn around to confirm he heard me. It wasn’t really important anyways. I took a hold of Bucky’s hand and pulled a little, not sure if he would really let me pull him from the kitchen. But he did.  
“Where are we going?” I was still holding on to his hand.  
“My room. I need to change clothes, we are going to work out.” He stopped walking and I stumbled a little since I was still holding on to him. He gave me a hesitant look.  
“I can wait downstairs for you.”  
“No, you really can’t, Sergeant. We both know you will only try to find Loki.” He gave me a sheepish smile and I pulled him towards my room.

“Okay, doll. Let’s go over how to punch again. We can’t have you hurting every time you decide to go ballistic on that asshole of a god. You were lucky, you didn’t break anything this time.” I grinned at that.  
“It’s not funny. If you can’t help yourself, at least let me show you how to do it right.” He showed me again how to close my fist and had me repeat the motion over and over slowly before he would let me hit the bag hanging from the ceiling. Barnes held it in place, so it wouldn’t move around while I was still getting used to the motion.  
“What was that thing with Rogers?” I almost lost my footing at his sudden question.  
“We were just fooling around.” He furrowed his brows apparently not satisfied with my answer.  
“Bucky, what do you want me to say?”  
“Nothing in particular. I just want you to be honest with me. You like him?” What was going on here?  
“Of course I like him. How could I not? You know him, better than anyone.” I could practically watch him tense up.  
“That’s good. He would be perfect for you…” I stared at him in disbelief and took a step back and away from him. Was he being serious?  
“Please tell me you are not going where I think.”  
“Doll, I just want you to…” He made a hesitant step towards me.  
“Don’t you dare say that you just want to see me happy! You kissed me and told me that there could never be more! I opened up to you! I told you about the darkest and most horrible thing that happened to me! And now…” He was one step away from me now. I was so frustrated and angry right now.  
“You are so full of shit, Bucky Barnes! You…” He caught my wrist as I started pounding against his chest, careful not to hurt me.  
“Let go of me! You can’t expect me to put aside my feelings one day and the next you tell me the only solution is your best friend…”

My mind was far too slow to even register what just happened. From one second to the other he had me suddenly pinned against one of the concrete beams, still holding on to my wrists.  
“Damn it, it is not the only solution. It is no solution at all! But the only thing I could live with since I am not allowed to have you!” My heartbeat was beyond fast. Wait, what?  
“To hell with it…” His hand cupped my neck and his lips crashed against mine. I was completely lost. I gasped when I felt his tongue against my bottom lip. My eyes fell shut and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He hummed, taking a hold of my legs and lifted me off the ground. The kiss changed a little, became softer but not any less hungry for more.  
I was holding on to him for dear life. I prayed that this moment would never end.


	24. Chapter 24

The moment he pressed his lips against mine, everything else became irrelevant. It didn’t matter where we were, who could walk in on us or even if the world kept existing or not. I clung to him like my life depended on it and he pressed me into the cold concrete. I didn’t care for the lack of oxygen. I felt, smelled and tasted only him. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.  
“Wait…” I managed to pull away for the briefest of seconds before he claimed my lips again with an unwilling hum. I tried again, not the slightest more interested in stopping as he was.  
“Wait…” He opened his eyes and started leaning in again.  
“Please James…”, I sighed only millimeters apart from him. We were both panting heavily, as if we just participated in a marathon. He leaned his forehead against mine and looked down at me.  
“Did I hurt you?” I looked at him and softly shook my head.  
“No, you didn’t. It’s just…”  
“What, doll?” He still held me up, unwilling to let me go.  
“Why? Why now?” He leaned in again and gently brushed his lips against my throat before whispering in my ear.  
“Because I don’t want to do the right thing anymore. For the first time in over 70 years something feels completely right. You feel right.” His eyes seemed even brighter than usual.  
“I am scared…” He grimaced at that. “No! I am not afraid of you. Never of you. I am scared this is just a dream. That I will wake up and you aren’t talking to me anymore.” Instead of answering he captured my lips in another kiss. This time almost too gentle and slow to bear. He gave me every opportunity to tell him no, to pull away. But did I want him to ever stop again? I threaded one hand in his impossibly soft hair. My other hand was holding onto his metal shoulder. It didn’t scare me. I liked the different feeling of his soft skin and the cold metal. One of his hands covered mine as my fingers brushed over the scar tissue but he kept kissing me.  
“Oh!” Our heads snapped towards the door, still pressed against each other. “That’s not awkward at all.” Tony clapped his hand on Steve’s shoulder and then just turned and left him standing there with a huge question mark on his face. Bucky slowly let me slide back down to the ground but kept me as close as possible.  
“Steve…”  
“Finally!” On his face was a relieved expression as he watched us. “I thought this whole back and forth thing would never end.”  
“Can you give us a minute, doll?” Bucky looked at me and I nodded.  
“I’ll take a shower.” I wanted to leave but he pulled me back into him once more.  
“I’ll get you once we are done.” He kissed me once more before letting me go. When I passed by him, I briefly squeezed Steve’s hand.  
“Go easy on him, Cap.”

Bucky’s POV:

He watched her leave. He had no intention of letting her go but he knew he needed to talk to his best friend first.  
“Buck?” He had one hand in his pocket and rubbed his neck anxiously with the other.  
“Damn it…” Steve put a hand on his shoulder.  
“You okay, Buck?”  
“Strange as it may seem… Yes. For the first time in a long I feel completely calm. How can something go from feeling wrong to right in only a couple of days? I am not any less scared of hurting her than before, especially after learning what happened to her when S.H.I.E.L.D. lost track of her for three years… But just thinking about not being able to be close to her… That someone else could be that person, that feeling is even worse. It doesn’t make any sense, does it?” Steve smirked at him.  
“Does it really need to make sense? Seeing the two of you like that made pretty much sense to me. I can’t remember seeing you like that around a woman. You were different back then.”

end of Bucky’s POV


	25. Chapter 25

The water was hot on my skin. I had been done for over ten minutes now but I needed the warmth. Bucky had been warm. So warm… I let out a heavy sigh. At some point I needed to leave the shower. I turned the water off and stepped outside. The bathroom was as foggy as a sauna. I wrapped myself into a big towel and took a smaller one for my hair.  
For a minute I searched for my brush before remembering that I left it next to my bed. I shivered when I left the bathroom, it was much colder out here. Gently I worked the knots from my hair and looked out the window while daydreaming. I couldn’t forget the feeling of his lips against mine. Absentmindedly I touched my bottom lip. But what now? After the last time he kissed me there was still that tiny voice telling me, that like before he would tell me it was a mistake.  
There was a knock on my door and I held the towel in place, expecting to see Barnes when I opened.  
“You?!” I tried to shut the door. Forcefully he pushed the door open further.  
“What a nice way of greeting me.” I pulled the towel tighter around me.  
“What do you want? How did you get inside?” With an evil grin he pulled down the neckline of his shirt, revealing some sort of branding on his collarbone. A kraken. Hydra! He walked up to me and gave me a hard push.

The moment I hit my bed, I opened my eyes with a loud scream. I looked around in confusion. The same second the door flew open and Barnes came in with panic in his eyes. I stared at him and after a moment he quickly looked off to the side. Oh, right… I had completely forgotten I was just wearing a towel when I sat on my bed for a second. What just happened? I got more confused now that I scanned my room for any intrusion.  
“I… Let me put on some clothes real quick.”  
“I’ll be right outside.”, Bucky whispered and with a slight shake of my head I told him to sit down and just wait. I returned to the bathroom and got dressed. I put my hair in a loose braid to let it dry on its own.  
When I stepped back outside I noticed that Bucky stood in front of my bookshelf with his arms crossed.  
“You read all of those?” He turned around and looked at me, still a little concerned.  
“Most of them. Some even more than once.” He walked over to me and gently took my hands in his.  
“Are you and Steve going to be okay?”, I asked and looked up at him.  
“Of course. But right now I have someone else on my mind.” He tilted back my head with a light push against my chin and softly brushed his lips against mine. His left hand cupped both of my hands that had wandered to his chest, right above his heart. I closed my eyes and smiled, lost in the feeling of being so close to him.  
“What will we do about the others?” He let out a sigh and wrapped both arms around my waist.  
“I don’t know yet, doll. Steve won’t say anything. Stark, I don’t think he will say anything. And the rest of the team… I can’t imagine there being a problem. Loki…”  
“Is a problem I don’t need to think about now. I don’t know what his problem is, but it is not yours to deal with.” Bucky shook his head with a soft smile and leaned down again.  
“We will come up with something, doll. Maybe we should keep it down in front of the others for a little while longer. Take our time to figure out what this is. I know there is no need to pamper you after what you survived, still I want to take things slow with you. I know that what I feel for you is the first thing that feels right since I got this thing. It still scares me because I am afraid of hurting you in whatever way.” I smiled at him and took his metal hand to place a small kiss in his palm.  
“I am not afraid. At least not of you. I understand that you are afraid your past might catch up to you. But I also know that you are a good man and I feel safe when you are around. In the hospital you were the only one to get through to me, the only one I could bear touching me. I don’t even understand why I am so comfortable around you…” He gave me a long kiss.  
“You talk too much, doll.”, he hummed. “But I really want to have some of that cake now.”

I wasn’t really sure if I was supposed to take his hand or not on our way to the kitchen. Bucky seemed just as unsure as I was, so we walked side by side, sharing a few quick gazes like some teenagers. Earlier he kissed me like there was no tomorrow and now we were acting like some twelve year old.  
Reaching the kitchen, Barnes made his way to the fridge to retrieve the cake. I poked my head into the living room where Sam, Thor, Clint and Tony were currently playing some video games.  
“Cake anyone?” As if they had just waited for the words all four stormed past me into the kitchen. Chuckling I shook my head and reached for the plates. I flinched when Bucky was suddenly behind me, reaching over my head for the plates.  
“Thank you.” I still wasn’t sure how to act around him in front of the others. I avoided to look at Tony.  
“Mmmmh. Really kid, I don’t get why you became a nurse when you can bake like that!”  
“Thank you, Clint. But try swallowing before you talk.” Jokingly I faked wiping crumbs off my face.  
“He is right, this is really good Ann.”, Sam agreed. Thor just kept digging in, which was kind of a compliment in itself.  
“Why was I not informed we had cake?” I groaned inwardly before I turned towards him with a poisonous sweet smile on my face.  
“Oh, what a shame. Your invitation must have been lost in the mail.” There was a glimmer in Loki’s eyes and I could feel Bucky tense up next to me. The unspoken warning in his eyes was more than evident as he passed by the god with his plate and slid into the chair on my left. The god grabbed a plat and stepped towards me.  
“Be a good little girl and slice me a piece, will you?” I was ready to snap at him when Bucky, to my and everyone else’s surprise, pulled me close to him with my chair. I relaxed a little at the feeling of his warmth against my leg. He didn’t say anything, just kept eating his cake as if nothing had happened.  
Loki stood there dumbfounded while his brother had no better idea than to comment.  
“While you are standing there, I’d take another slice as well, brother.” His jaw ticked a little and I had to suppress a laugh.  
“Tony?” Something just came to my mind. He looked up at me and raised his eyebrows in question since he had his mouth full of cake.  
“Is it possible that whatever is in my blood can make me see things before they actually happen?” He frowned and took a moment to think about it.  
“Possible. Why do you ask?” I slowly shook my head.  
“Nothing, just some bad dreams. It made me question if my blood could do something like that.” Thor cleared his throat.  
“It is still possible. Would you tell me if something like that happens? No matter what you see, future, past, present.” I nodded and cast a careful glance at Bucky. Unconsciously he had taken a hold of my hand. Not that anyone would have noticed. Except Loki...


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited! We are finally getting to the real good stuff (not that everything between Bucky and Ann wasn't any good) :DD

I sat on the couch and rolling thoughts over in my head. It had been a few days since Bucky kissed me and I was annoyed. He was on one of Tony's super secret special missions with Clint and Sam. The third day. Elliot pushed his nose against my knee and whined.  
"Alright big boy. We are going outside." Happily he jumped to the ground and I followed him towards the elevators.  
"Where are you headed?" Bruce came out of another hallway obviously on his way back to the laboratory.  
"Elliot needs to get out for a while." He looked at me with a worried expression.  
"Are you sure you should be out alone?"  
"I am not alone. I got Elliot." I patted his head.  
"If you say so. I am not happy about that but I got a buttload of work waiting for me. Just promise to be careful." I smiled at him and promised to do so. What could possibly happen in the middle of the day? Besides, I was making progress in my one on one combat training with Steve, so I was not completely helpless.  
Outside it was grey and drizzling softly. That brought the advantage that there were only a few people in the park. Elliot was happy with himself and jumped through the brush. I had his leash hanging loosely over my shoulders, I knew he was always close. Even if to an outsider my dog surely seemed a little retarded sometimes because of the way he was jumping and fooling around. He and I were one of a kind. Clever but sometimes easily confused but loyal. Michael got him for me at the local dog shelter after I came back from Mexico. The little neglected furball had been mentally just as broken as me. Maybe it was because of that, that we instantly shared a strong bond. We recovered together and learned to trust another creature again. He was the reason I had to leave my apartment. He had always been a source of comfort when I woke screaming from another nightmare.

"What did you find there? Elliot! Let go of that thing!" The thing was a dead pigeon and he was shaking it excitedly. "Stop! You know who gets his teeth brushed before he is allowed into bed?" He let go of the carcass instantly and looked at me with a lowered head. He hated it when I brushed his teeth but from time to time it was just necessary. Especially if he played with something dead and he knew it. I motioned for him to get back up and he dove back into the bushes right away. I shook my head. I loved this dog.  
I looked up when he was suddenly back in front of me. Tense, his neck and back straight and ears turned forward he was sniffing. The hairs on the back of his neck standing up and he started growling.  
"What's wrong, boy?" He didn't react, that's how I knew it wasn't any animal. The growl was getting deeper and louder and he pulled up his lips. I started feeling uneasy and Elliot tensed up more and more. I realised there were no more noises in the park. Carefully I observed my surroundings but couldn't make out anything out of place. Still I felt there was something.  
I knelt down, pretending to be fixing my shoe. I pulled Natasha's knife out of my boot and held it so it wasn't visible against my forearm but I could still attack with it. Just yesterday Steve had shown me how to do it since he was convinced it couldn't hurt to show me some tricks already.

Elliot suddenly darted off before I could stop him and disappeared around the corner with a loud bark. Cursing I followed him, only making a few feet before I heard him yelp. He didn't come running back towards me. I rounded the corner and tried to stop when I collided with another person. In his hand he carried a baton and was standing above my hopefully unconscious dog.  
"What the…?" There was a cracking noise behind me. I whirled around, not a second before something flew past me and broke the skin of my right cheek. I could feel the blood seeping out but it didn't matter.  
"So we meet again, Miss Evans." My blood ran cold, I knew that voice. He was the one who shot my brother.  
"Oh, don't look so surprised. Did you think we wouldn't put the pieces together? It wasn't that hard to find out about your whereabouts. Even if your brother wasn't that talkative after all, but I know how to get my information. Of course it would have been easier if your parents were still alive. Oh, excuse me, adoptive parents." I looked at him in horror. He didn't just kill my brother, he just admitted to killing my parents as well.  
I was so preoccupied with the man in front of me that I didn't realise I was being caged in. Only when someone grabbed my arm, did I understand what was happening. Without thinking I grabbed the knife harder and rammed it back. The blade scraping over something hard before sinking into soft tissue, causing the man behind me to groan in pain. He let go off me and I ripped my knife free, only to let my elbow crash into his nose. To my own surprise I succeeded in doing so, even if I had no idea how.  
"Drop the knife, sweetheart." With an arrogant smile an older man stepped forward and out of the circle that had caged me in.  
"No!", I hissed.  
"I am so looking forward to putting you in your place." I had no intention of letting myself be wrapped up in any conversation. I watched him circling me, why I didn't know. I noticed his left leg being a little weaker and instinctively knew that this was my advantage. He grabbed for my hair but I was faster and dodged him. I turned once to get out of his reach, then I jumped forward to ram both my feet against his left thigh. My feet just left the ground when someone grabbed my ankle and I crashed into the ground. I was yanked back and tried kicking free. I was turned onto my back when I heard my brother's murderer.  
"Stop fooling around! Get her and let's go!" I screamed when a hard kick against my ribs had me almost lose consciousness. I gasped for air and tried to curl up. Someone pulled me to my feet by my hair. I let go off my knife and reached for the hand in my hair to somehow minimise the pull on my scalp. Again there was the urge to do something of which I had no idea why I thought about it. Despite my clumsiness I tightly held onto the forearm of my attacker and jumped, somehow managing to catapult myself into sitting on his shoulders. I couldn't tell who was more surprised that I succeeded. Usually I lost my footing while putting on my socks and now I was some kind of artistic genius?

I didn't have much time to think. Someone grabbed me around my waist and pulled me off the man. I managed to at least turn so much that I landed on my knees instead of my back again. I wanted to get up when a boot collided with my face. It felt like my jaw was shattered into a million pieces.  
Tears clouded my vision and I stumbled backwards, right into another man's arms. I pushed off the ground when someone came running at us and kicked both legs against his chest.  
"Bitch!" An arm wrapped around my throat and I panicked. No! I struggled with everything I had. I scratched, kicked my legs, and tried to hit someone. The more the pressure on my throat increased, the weaker I got. My vision shrank. My nails scraped over something soft, resulting in a hiss and a painful punch into my stomach.  
Together with the air that left my lungs, I lost all strength and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anybody starts bitching around: I am a veterinarian assistant and you can and in some cases should brush your dog's teeth (not with human toothpaste!), to prevent any necessary surgery on their teeth for as long as possible.


	27. Chapter 27

My head was pounding loudly. My jaw hurt like hell. Every breath sent a shockwave of pain through my ribs. My scalp burnt. It was cold, ice cold. It smelled wet and musty. I groaned and tried to open my eyes. It took some time for my vision to clear until I could see. I was on my side and on the floor. Cold white light illuminated the room. It hurt my eyes. There were metal bars. A lot of them.  
I tried to push myself up but couldn’t move my arms. Gently I pushed my shoulder against the ground and managed to get into a sitting position. Now my surroundings made some more sense since everything was upright now. My arms had been bound on my back with a thick rope. When I straightened my back and the blood was flowing again it tingled unpleasantly.  
I was in some kind of holding cell. Instead of laying me on the dirty mattress I had apparently just been thrown in.  
I took another careful breath. Now that I was sitting my ribs didn’t hurt as bad as before. Hopefully nothing had been broken. I moved my jaw a little and was relieved that there was no broken bone either.  
“What a shame to have done damage to such a beautiful face.” I whirled around, instantly regretting the motion as my head started spinning and my ribs ached in protest. Until now I hadn’t taken notice of the man sitting on the bench. I let out an angry growl. My brother’s murderer.  
“You are probably wondering where you are. Right, Miss Evans?” Disgusted I looked away and fixed my eyes on a spot on the wall opposite of my holding.  
“No. Doesn’t seem to matter anyways.” My voice gave away no emotion, though I inwardly started to panic. I hated this room. Worse was the feeling of my bound arms, it made me feel vulnerable. Vulnerable like all those years ago.  
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw him moving. I heard his heavy steps. Someone came in, whispered something to him and left again.  
“So you are really going to pretend I am not here.” His voice had a mocking undertone.  
“Maybe it will blow your head off!” Shut the fuck up!, I reprimanded myself.  
“Careful now. Don’t test me. We will be spending quite some time together. And you don’t want to make it on my list of favourite test subjects.” I swallowed down whatever comment I had on my lips.  
“Someone will come for me.”  
“Really? And who might that be? As far as I am informed nobody knows you will not return from your little walk in the park. Stark is busy polishing his ego. Rogers doesn’t even know you left the Tower. Banner is stuck in his laboratory. Romanov is still somewhere in the Ukraine. The two gods are back in Asgard. Barton, Wilson and Barnes are on a mission. And your brother won’t be searching for you eit…” Something inside me just snapped.  
“Fuck you! Don’t you dare talking about my brother! Or about anyone for that matter! You know nothing!” His eyes were cold on me.  
“Easy now. I’d save my strength if I were you. And what don’t I know? That you moved into the Stark Tower? That your DNA finally kicked in? That your lover will be searching for you as soon as he returns to New York?” I looked at him, despite the pain clenching my jaws shut.  
“Don’t look so surprised, Miss Evans. I know about you and Barnes. We both know he will be coming for you. I even plan on it. Your blood isn’t the only reason for my interest in you. It is time to reactivate project Winter Soldier.” I felt ill. It didn’t matter what they did to me, but Bucky…  
“So there is a power button to that mouth. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Until I know what to do with it.”

Bucky’s POV:

The helicopter was slowly approaching the Stark Tower.  
“Almost home, boys. Who is up for some beers later?”, Clint asked via headset from the cockpit.  
“Count me in.”, Sam answered right away.  
“Okay. But I need a shower and at least a few hours of sleep.”, Bucky joined in as well. The other two agreed with that. Barton would be making a short visit home. With a soft jerk they landed. He unfastened his seatbelt and was the first out on the platform. Behind him Barton and Wilson started making some jokes. Next to the entrance waited Steve. He seemed tense and Bucky stopped in front of him. He didn’t like the look on his best friend’s face. And where the hell was Ann? She promised she’d be waiting up here for him to return.  
“Hey Rogers.” Steve gave the others a short nod and waited for them to disappear inside.  
“Promise me to stay calm, Buck.”  
“Steve, what is wrong?” His friend gave him a pained look.  
“It’s about Ann…”  
“I swear to god, Steve… Out with it! What. Is, Wrong?!” He grabbed Rogers’s shoulder, maybe a little too tight but it didn’t matter right now. He was getting more anxious with every second that passed without an explanation why she wasn’t here.  
“She is missing…” His metal fist made contact with the concrete wall next to Steve’s head, leaving a big hole in the wall.  
“She is what?!” He could barely keep it together right now.  
“Let me explain, Buck.” His patience started wearing thin. He loved Steve but if he didn’t make his point soon…  
“Tell me what the fuck happened before I forget myself, Steve.”  
“She left the Tower this morning with Elliot. I wasn’t around when she did and Bruce had to work… Around noon, Elliot appeared in the lobby, looking pretty beat up and without Ann. We immediately started looking for her. We found Elliot’s leash in the park. And a few feet further this…” Steve held out her bloody knife.  
“It’s not her blood… Apparently there was a fight where we found it. And there was one more thing we found.” His heart violently skipped a beat as he stared at the dirty piece of paper. Scribbled on it were a few russian letters. He stepped away from Steve, carding his hands through his hair.  
“FUCK!!!”, he screamed up into the sky, so loud one of the pigeons almost fell from the big ‘S’ above them.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: chapter contains descriptions of being tortured, you can just skip it if it is too much for you

I gasped for air when the ice cold water hit me and ran down my body. With my mouth wide open I tried to somehow get oxygen into my lungs. Then I was already hit with the next bucket full of water. My body convulsed in protest against the water that made it into my mouth and down my throat. I was coughing violently. I let my head hang once the burning sensation slowly subsided. My body had refused to keep me upright hours ago, the only thing keeping me on my feet were the shackles fastening me to the wall behind me and digging painfully into my sore wrists.  
It had been three days, according to the small clock, in which I had cowered on the ground in my cell. I didn’t eat. It wasn’t that they didn’t bring me food, I just couldn’t will myself to eat the sticky grey gruel. Water, they didn’t give me any. A blanket, they didn’t give me one. If it was cold during daytime, it got even colder during the night. At various times they would bring in a dirty bucket that was my toilet. Did I refuse to use it, of course while being watched, it got taken away and I got my arms tied behind my back as a punishment until the next time they came with the bucket. From time to time one of them would hit me in the face if I refused to use the bucket.  
Nobody talked to me, except when I was yelled at to keep away from the bars of my cell.  
Today I was pulled from my cell by two armed men. When we approached my brother’s murderer, I thought he was going to interrogate me. That might have been better than what I got instead. They pushed me into a vast room, tiled in white. The first thought I had was that I had been cast into one of my beloved Resident Evil movies because the guy in front of me looked just like Albert Wesker. His character was just as bad…  
He didn’t talk. The men that had brought me in dragged me to the wall and put my wrists into the shackles. I waited for somebody to talk but nothing happened. Before I knew what happened _Wesker_ stood in front of me with scissors in his hand and cut my clothes from me, leaving me in only my underwear.  
The next hours were an endless cacophony of electro shocks, buckets full of ice water and short breaks in which I was heated up under red light just to soak me in ice water again. The only noise in the room was me gasping, coughing and screaming. When I let my head fall in exhaustion some blood dropped onto the tiles in front of me. I stared at it. Was that my blood? My body shook from another cough attack. Yep, definitely my blood…  
“That’s enough for today. Return her to the holding cell. Give her a blanket today. And burn her clothes.” _Wesker_ kicked my cut clothes off to the side and left. I fell to the ground when the shackles were opened and just stayed there as I was. I had no strength left, I just felt cold and everything hurt. I was grabbed at my upper arms and dragged off, I didn’t even attempt to put any weight on my legs. They let go of me in my cell, at least they had the decency to drop me on the dirty mattress. Seconds later a blanket was thrown in. It actually had more in common with a potato bag. Nobody made an attempt to cover me up, if I didn’t want to freeze I needed to get the blanket myself.  
Somehow I managed to mobilise enough strength to reach out for it. I screamed. Somebody had stepped on my fingers with heavy boots and kicked the blanket off to the side and out of reach. Through the tears I tried to recognise the person standing above me.  
“Everything in life comes at a price, wife. And the freak with the metal arm will pay his prize for you as well.” Shocked I tried flinching away when his boot connected with my temple. Something in my skull made a cracking noise and then everything was black again.

I had no idea how much time had passed when I woke up again. I wanted to touch my temple to examine the damage but couldn’t move my arm. I had been strapped down into a medical chair. Leather cuffs, like the ones you saw on TV in an asylum, were pulled tight around my arms, legs and my head. I could barely move to look around the room. It was tiled in white again and apart from a few tables and my chair empty. A searing pain shot through my right arm.  
“This will only hurt a minute, Miss Evans. I need some blood.” I could feel the syringe drawing blood. When the ampoules were filled, _Wesker_ pulled the needle from my arm, not caring if it was still bleeding. If I hadn’t known that it would stop in a minute anyways, I might have panicked even more. The man worked on the blood samples he just took from me. I tried to match what I heard, since I couldn’t see it, with laboratory processes that I knew.  
With a crunching noise the ampoules suddenly burst on the nearest wall. Evidently disappointed he came back to me.  
“Open your mouth! Wouldn’t want you to bite off your tongue.” He pressed his fingers into my jaws until I had to open my mouth. He pushed in something solid and fixated it, so I wouldn’t be able to spit it out.  
“This will hurt. A lot.” He took a syringe from the table next to us. Inside was an almost turquoise liquid. He was aiming for my neck. I felt hot tears on my cheeks and tried to kick him, totally forgetting that I couldn’t move. The needle pierced my skin right above my jugular. When he pressed down the plunger, the liquid instantly burned its way in hot and cold waves through my blood system. I bit down on whatever was between my teeth. I screamed, whined, shivered. My body was on fire. Every fibre burning like hellfire. A thousand nails were being hammered into my brain. I felt dizzy and the room seemed to be spinning around me. Faster and fast and I started feeling really sick.  
The man in front of me was only a blurry shadow. He stretched, changed his form. Became taller, slimmer, grew horns and claws. Somehow I managed to break free. Without thinking I tumbled towards the nearest table and got my hands on a surgical knife. Whatever he was, I would kill him before he could hurt me any more.  
“Sedate her!” I barely heard the radio. Then I heard a gunshot. The room stopped spinning, the shadowy demon falling together and regaining human shape. I could feel how I fell and being caught brutally. The scalpel was ripped from my hand. Orders were given and again everything went black.


	29. Chapter 29

I had lost all track of time. I didn’t know anymore if it were days or weeks, time forming a tough mass. I only touched the food if there was bread, the gruel alone would not have been edible. This was one of the moments I was actually glad that I carried a little extra weight.  
The days were mostly the same. Wesker (I still didn’t know his name) took some blood samples every day. If I understood correctly they were aiming for some particular change in my DNA over time. If the result didn’t satisfy I was injected again with that cruel liquid. Allegedly this chemical cocktail was supposed to trigger the Valkyrie part in my blood to get stronger.  
They increased the rate of ice water, electric shocks and so on every day. They tried to break me, make me submissive. I fought against the ideologies they tried to put into my brain.  
My head shot up when the door opened and steps approached. I had learned the hard way that it was always better to just keep looking at the floor.  
“Look at me.” I flinched. I hated this voice, hated him.  
“What do you want, Daniel?! Haven’t you done enough to me already?” I fell on my left side and spit out some blood.  
“That’s all you got? Cut me loose and let’s find out who comes out on top now!” For the love of it, I just didn’t know when to keep silent. On the other hand there was hardly anything he hadn’t already done to me.  
“You are lucky my hands are bound, honey. Put this on!” I looked at the clothes he threw my way. A pale blue dress.  
“No, thank you.” I turned away and instantly regretted it when he grabbed me by my hair.  
“You will wear it. If not, I am going to dress you…” I felt like vomiting. I was almost crying when I stood up to get out of my clothes and into the thin dress. He grabbed me by my neck and made me walk out beside him. I didn’t get shoes but I was already used to it. I haven’t had them since I kicked one of the guards. I knew better than to ask where we were going. I knew that this couldn’t be good.

A door was opened in front of us and Daniel shoved me in.  
“Ah, Miss Evans. How kind of you to accept my invitation.” I made a disgusted noise and the grip on my neck tightened.  
“You are right. Where are my manners? Daniel, Miss Evans would like to take a seat.” Harshly he pushed me to sit in the chair in front of us. The bastard stayed behind me, his hand still on my neck. A plate was set on the table in front of me and I watched my opponent suspiciously.  
“I would like you to meet someone.” In the penumbra I could see a person, unmoving but apparently male. “This is Adam Hunt. He is mainly responsible for project Valkyrie, that is you by the way. Your blood is finally responding in an acceptable manner to his serum. The only thing preventing us from making proper use of your abilities is that stubborn mind of yours. But why don’t we talk about that over an exquisite meal?”  
The hood was pulled from the plate in front of me and my stomach ached painfully at the sight. It was really nothing special, a piece of meat with some sauce, mashed potatoes and vegetables, but it was normal food.  
“Shall we?” The stranger stepped out of the shadows and I felt like I was being hit with an amboss. I could only stare at him in disbelief.  
“This is impossible… You are dead! I was at your funeral! What is going on here? YOU ARE DEAD!!!” I was acting hysterical, Daniel forcefully keeping me in my chair.  
“You have always been a little naive and trusting. That you would be easily fooled was no surprise, in fact I counted on it. Sister.” My brain refused to understand all of this. My heart felt as if it was breaking apart, the pain almost unbearable, even worse than the endless hours of torture.  
“Michael…”, I whispered.  
“Adam. But you will soon understand. Don’t worry your pretty head about it. Eat, you have grown thin.”


	30. Chapter 30

I wasn’t able to touch the food. My mind was on overdrive, my body on the edge of reaching its limits. Was I hallucinating? He couldn’t be here. I was there when they put his coffin six feet under. I shed my tears next to the hole in the ground. And now here he was, sitting next to me, the image of life itself. This wasn’t right. He should be dead and rotting in his grave. I didn’t get it.  
“Is the food not to your liking? I am sure we could find something else in the kitchen.” The not so much murderer of my brother looked at me while cutting his meat. I shook my head.  
“Then you are obviously just not hungry. A shame, really. Well, the dogs will be happy about the meat…” I watched emotionlessly as my plate was taken away. My stomach protested but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of begging for food.

“Wait a second.” Michael… Adam, whatever his fucking name was, had the man with my plate returning to the table. “Daniel, did you eat already?”  
“No, Sir.” He motioned for him to sit in the empty chair.  
“Please, help yourself. It would be a shame to waste it on the dogs. Or are you objecting, Whitaker?” The man shook his head. Daniel finally let go of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. He sat down on my left and wasted no time to dig into the plate.  
“I heard you were on the run from the police for quite some time. Human trafficking, prostitution, murder… An impressive resume. I get why you have been recruited. Someone special in your life, Daniel? A wife, children? Maybe a girlfriend?” I didn’t like where this was going and tensed up. Daniel suddenly seemed aware of the awkwardness of the situation as well. He put down his knife and fork and swallowed heavily.  
“Sir?” My supposed brother put down his cutlery as well and lowered his hands.  
“You’ve spent an incredible long time in Mexico. You paid a little fortune there for someone to forge you some marriage certificates. Though there never was a wedding. As you always like to say, there is a price to everything. And it is time you paid the price for my sister.” I screamed when there was a pang and Daniel fell into his plate. He was facing me, where his right eye used to be was now a bullet hole. I leaned off to the side and vomited. It was too much, my body simply couldn’t take any more.

“Pull it together! Given the chance you would have killed him yourself. Not that it would have mattered to me if he had kept you for another ten years. With the right amount of money we could have easily turned this into our own little breeding program. But that idiot almost endangered project Valkyrie with the way he was acting. Don’t act so surprised. I knew all the time where he kept you. I just didn’t care. What did you think how you managed to escape that night after he almost killed you, huh? As if you ever had a chance of making it out alive on your own. Pathetic genetic experiment!” I whimpered. He knew all along, knew what Daniel did to me.  
“Why?”, I whispered softly. He looked at me like someone looked at a toddler who asked why the sun was yellow.  
“I have always known what you are. Our parents knew. How did you think Hydra found out where your birth parents could be found? S.H.I.E.L.D. had no idea that we never really worked for them. When I was old enough our parents told me everything. You have no idea how hard it was to keep pretending. I always knew that you were a freak. When I got older, it got easier to fool you. I started researching what you are, tried to figure out a way to improve you without having to wait when and if your blood would kick in and if I could make the effect even stronger. I made a name for myself real quick. Had my own laboratory, employees, and had almost completely no restraints on what I was doing. And then there was the solution. The serum that made the Winter Soldier and Captain America. We had it for so long and never did anyone think about improving it. Until I thought that there might be a way to make it compatible with your blood. The only problem at the moment is that you still got too much willpower to resist Hydra. Take your time. The more you fight, the more dangerous you will be once we turned you. Project Winter Soldier was a success in all points. You will be just as deadly once we fix your brain.” I shook my head in disbelief. Lies, more and more lies. My whole life became more of a mess and more complicated the more I seemed to put it back in order. And more absurd. All of this was just as bizarre as it gets. My head was spinning.  
“Oh and that little love affair with Barnes… It wasn’t planned and we weren’t sure how this was going to turn out but in the end it worked in our favour. It couldn’t have made things any easier for us.”  
“He won’t be so stupid to fall for it!” Adam let out a loud and cold laugh.  
“Oh no. Nobody said anything about being stupid. He will know that it is a trap to get our hands on him. He will come because we let him. We will reactivate project Winter Soldier and Sergeant Barnes will be no more. Permanent this time, as if he never existed. And you… You will watch him lose himself and become the weapon he was supposed to be again before you will share his fate. The two most powerful weapons in our hand and at our command. Hail Hydra!” I flinched when his hand crashed down on the table.

“What is going on?” Whitaker suddenly jumped out of his seat and made for the door. Outside was a dull roar to be heard. Commands were yelled, some in english, some in german, some in russian. I was harshly grabbed by my right arm.  
“You’re coming with me. Time to get my price. Barnes will be more likely to cooperate if you are there.” I struggled, I would not be part of this. I would die before I helped lure Bucky in. My cheek started burning when he backhanded me.  
“You will obey! I don’t need all of Barnes. We have enough vibranium to reconstruct eighty percent of his body if need be.” I froze. He couldn’t be serious. He dragged me out into the hallway, I followed when he shoved me. I was more afraid for Barnes than I was for myself. I was in trance, I didn’t even feel the debris under my nacked feet.  
Something exploded behind the wall next to us and we were thrown off our feet. Shots were fired and people were screaming and cursing. Once more I was grabbed. I had no sense of direction in all this chaos when I was lifted up.  
“Are you alright? Can you walk?” I felt relief wash over me.  
“Steve…” I was ready to cry. I hadn’t expected to see him again, to see anybody from the team ever again. His radio cracked and he quickly answered.  
“I got her, Natasha! I got her. She is still in one piece. Yes, tell Bucky we are coming your way now.” My heart stopped. No, why was he here? Steve put me back on my feet.  
“Are you hurt?” He gave me a quick once over and I grimaced.  
“I am alive as far as I can tell. The rest doesn’t matter now, I think.” I could see Steve wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer.  
“Come.” I followed him and we made it without being spotted. Somewhere above us the screams got louder and the noises indicated that Banner let out his big green friend.  
We rounded the corner and then I saw him coming our way. I stopped paying attention to Steve or anything else around me. He was storming towards me, swept me off my feet into his arms and pressed me almost painfully against his chest.  
“I… shit, doll…” He was barely able to speak. I pressed my face into his neck, breathed in his scent and clung to him as if my life depended on it. He gently put me back on my feet and took my face in his hands.  
“Doll…” I didn’t think. I grabbed the front of his tactical gear and slammed my lips into his. It wasn’t anything near enough but all I could get right now. Reluctantly he pulled away.  
“I want nothing more than to kiss you stupid but we have no time, doll.” My head slowly started clearing and my mind finally caught up. I looked at him in sheer panic.  
“Why are you here? You can’t be here, this is a trap!”  
“I know it is. We are prepared.” I violently shook my head.  
“You don’t understand. They know that you’d figure out that much. This has nothing to do with me. They want you. They want the Winter Soldier!” Rogers tensed next to us and gripped his shield harder.  
“Then let’s get out of here before they catch up. Nat! You and I up front.” The redhead nodded and started walking. Bucky took my hand in his, pulling me with him at a pace that I could keep up with. I had the ill feeling that we wouldn’t make it out in time.  
We came across a room filled with all sorts of devices. Bucky let go of me and got a few feet ahead. I stopped for a second to breathe. Suddenly there was a clicking noise to my right.  
“James?!” He turned around and froze when I said his name. Hunt was beside me and pressed an unlocked Magnum against my temple.


	31. Chapter 31

I looked at Bucky with wide eyes. He was frozen in place. Steve and Natasha tried to understand what just happened.  
"Leave me.", I heard myself say.  
"No!" I looked at him pleadingly.  
"Please, James. Leave me here. You just got your life back. Don't throw that away…"  
"You are my life!", he screamed with despair. Everyone stared at him. "I won't leave you behind. I'd rather die than to let them have you. You will not live through the hell I went through!" Hunt let out an annoyed sigh.  
"Heartwarming as it is… Barnes, down with the weapon. Or I need to redecorate with Miss Evans's brain." Bucky clenched his jaws and I shook my head. He didn't listen to me and threw his assault rifle away.  
Another man stepped out of the shadows and behind him. He kicked him in the back of his knees and held the barrel of his gun against the back of his head.  
"Much better. Now let's see…" Hunt rummaged through his pocket in search of a piece of paper.  
"Ann…" I looked at Bucky. "Whatever happens, promise me to follow Steve's orders. He will take care of you once…"  
"Don't you dare finish that sentence James Buchanan Barnes. We are getting out of here." He closed his eyes for a second and then looked at me again.  
"Not me."

Hunt cleared his throat, demanding attention.  
"Now, may I have your attention? Especially yours Barnes.

Zhelaniye (longing)

Rzhavvy (rusted)

Semnadtsat' (seventeen)

Rassvet (daybreak)

Pech' (furnace)

Devjat' (nine)

Dobroserdechnyy (benign)

Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu (homecoming)

Odin (one)

Gruzovoy vagon (freight car)…"

The words were in russian. I didn't understand most of it, only the numbers. With every word Bucky got more tense. He seemed to be in pain, to be fighting an internal battle. He let out a growl and clenched his teeth. He tried to keep himself upright, his eyes fixed on mine.  
"Run…", his voice was strained behind gritted teeth.  
"James…"  
"Out! Steve… get… her… out…" Everything happened so fast, I didn't even notice most of it as it happened. Hunt fell to the ground, Natasha and Steve were coming our way and Bucky's beautiful blue eyes slowly turned black and lost their focus. Bucky got to his feet and just stood there motionless. Steve tugged on my arm but I refused to let him pull me away.  
"No! James…!" He looked at me and for a second I thought I saw a glimmer of blue in his eyes before they turned pitch black again. He looked at me without recognition. Steve kept pulling my arm until I moved and left his friend standing there.  
„Солдат, капитан Америка устраняют. Проект Βалькирия беру т в сохранении. (Soldier, eliminate Captain America. Take project Valkyrie into custody.)" Hunt came back to his feet and gave orders in russian. I didn't understand a single word but it couldn't be good. Without giving away any emotion Bucky turned towards us.

"Natasha! Plan B!" Nat threw something on the wall to our left and a second later a loud explosion disrupted the noises around us, leaving behind a huge hole in the wall. Outside I could make out ice and snow and mountains.  
"I am sorry." Steve changed his grip on me and pressed me against him. I knew what he was going to do.  
"No! We can't…" He wouldn't listen, just tightened his grip on me as I threatened to slip out of his grasp. And then he jumped, I was reminded of the time I jumped out of the window and he caught me. Natasha was right behind us, throwing something back up. A second later I heard the explosion and some debris was raining down on us.  
Steve turned us midair, so now he was beneath me. A few seconds later I knew why. Something cracked and we were drenched in ice cold water. The thin dress I was wearing immediately soaked in the river's water. Indistinctly I noticed the helicopter above, ropes being dropped to get us out and Steve pressing me against his warm body.

Once inside the helicopter we were immediately wrapped in warm blankets. I pulled away from Clint and ran back to the hatch, not caring that I wasn't wearing a parachute. Before I could do something really stupid a strong arm wrapped around my middle and janked me back inside. I screamed and thrashed around in their grasp with every bit of strength I had left. Down below I could see Bucky.  
"No! We need to get back! We can't leave him! What is wrong with you?! Let me go!"  
I was pulled back further and the hatch closed with a thud. I still didn't stop fighting. Natasha walked right up to me and slapped me across the face, while the men all stood there completely helpless. I felt like I was waking up, I even stopped struggling and looked at Nat.  
"You done?" Thor asked from behind and finally let go of me when I nodded. I fell down to my hands and knees, not able to hold back the tears. This wasn't happening! I felt someone put a blanket back around my freezing form.  
"Why? Why did you let him come? Why didn't you do something?! You left your best friend behind you asshole!" Steve didn't try to fight me when I stormed over to him and started pounding against his chest. He just let me do what I needed to until I had no more strength to lift my arms and just sobbed. He pulled me into a tight hug.  
"Do you think I wanted to leave him again? I did this to him once before… I didn't want him to come with us. He knew it was a trap. But this was about you…" Still sobbing I pulled away from him.  
"What happened there? Why didn't he react anymore? I… I…" Steve let out a pained sigh.  
"He isn't himself anymore. He isn't James Barnes right now. He is the Winter Soldier again. He doesn't recognise us. He knew they would try that. He said if it would happen, I needed to promise him to get you out and leave him. That I would find a way to bring him back…" I looked at him in disbelief.  
"You two can't possibly have been so stupid, just because of me…"  
"There was nothing to think about. Not for Bucky. It was you! I needed to promise him to save you if he couldn't!"

"Okay, that's enough. We need to get you out of your wet clothes and warm." Nat took my hand and pulled me behind a makeshift privacy screen. The whole team just stared awkwardly at their feet as we passed by them.  
I had no more strength in me, so Natasha needed to help me get out of my soaked clothes and into something dry and warm. Once we were done she pulled me into a hug. I let myself fall against her.  
"I am so sorry sweetheart. I wish we had known about you two… I am sorry. I promise we will do everything we can to get him back and free him of Hydra once and for all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't speak russian, so I needed to rely on a translator. If there are any mistakes I am sorry for that and would appreciate if someone knew the right way.


	32. Chapter 32

The whole flight back to New York I was seated snug between Natasha and Steve in the back of the jet. Every once in a while I fell limp to my right against Bucky’s best friend. I was struggling to stay awake despite my body begging to be allowed to shut down.  
“Don’t you think you should allow yourself to rest, princess?” I shook my head no at Steve’s words.  
“I can’t. He is out there… We just left him behind.” Carefully Steve put his arm around me and pulled me further into his warmth, as far as possible in the little space we had.  
“He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. He would tell you that your body needs rest to recover. How do you want to help him if you neglect yourself? We will find a solution and this time a permanent one. He deserves to be finally free from Hydra and the constant fear of them getting a hold of him again. He deserves a life with you in it, you both deserve that much.” He looked down at me with a soft smile playing along his lips. “Don’t give me that look. You didn’t see what he was like these past weeks when we tried to track you down. He wasn’t the man you know. He was like when I first brought him back. Dark, twisted, angry and mentally broken…”  
I squinted my eyes and pressed my face into Roger’s shoulder. The thought of Barnes suffering alone was worse than all the torture I had gone through at Hydra’s hands. I thought I had shed all my tears but still they now soaked Steve’s shirt.  
“It’s not your fault, sweetheart.” Nat gently rubbed my back in an attempt to give me some comfort.  
“It is. I shouldn’t have gone to the park alone by myself. I should have known better. I should have tried harder to get away. He was there because of me. It IS my fault! Same as everything else. Hadn’t I gone to visit my brother that day, none of this would have happened… I’d still have my plain boring, vanilla live. You wouldn’t even know about me. James wouldn’t know I even exist…”  
“He knew before any of this happened. Even if he didn’t know anything about you at that time.” I jerked my head up and looked at Rogers in disbelief.  
“No, Steve. How? He didn’t know I existed.”  
“He did, princess. You threw your ex-boyfriend out on the streets. Or maybe more his notebook out of the window. Bucky grabbed him when he threatened to hurt you since he doesn’t take well to a woman being treated like that. He only saw you for a second but he never forgot your face.” I stared at him. I stared at him until a thought clicked into place. The guy wearing the basecap… That was him… My mind was slow to pick up on what Steve just revealed to me. It was something that seemed to be from another life. I actually almost forgot about it ever happening. I remembered him looking up at me with those amazing blue eyes. It felt like someone was crushing my heart. I let out a whimper and clung to Steve as a new wave of sadness hit me.  
He held on to me, trying to give me some comfort.  
“You need to try and sleep. I will be here when you wake up. You’ll be safe, I promised him.” I nodded. My eyes felt heavy. My body felt heavy and numb with cold. Everything hurt. I was afraid of what I would look like in front of a mirror. I didn’t even want to know where my skin had turned purple and blue, where I had cuts and what was broken.  
“Promise me that we will save him, Cap.”, I heard Natasha whisper. “Promise me, that we will get Barnes back. She won’t make it if we don’t.” I wanted to tell them that I was here and able to hear every single word. But my body went into complete refusal, the voices getting lower.  
“I know Natasha… I know. I will find a way. I need to find a way. He always came through for me when we were kids and even as we grew up. I am not doing this only for her. He is my best friend. All that is left of my family. If we can’t help him…”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was shocked when I saw my x-rays. I had slept the whole flight from Siberia back to the Stark Tower. As soon as we landed, Tony had insisted on examining me right away and determining the damage done to my body. The x-ray now on the table in front of us showed more than I was able to process right now. Apart from the immense amount of bruises, ranging from black over blue and purple to yellow and green in colour, I had several cracked ribs. The bones in my hand had been bruised real bad from Daniel stepping on it. My skull had several small cracks. My jaw was badly bruised as well and according to Banner it was obvious it had been dislocated and put back in place at least once and my nose had been broken.  
Everyone stared at the floor in some kind of embarrassment.  
“When can I go back to training?” Everyone stared at me.  
“Sweetheart, you should give your body…” I didn’t let Nat finish and turned to Bruce.  
“How long?” He let out a heavy sigh and took off his glasses.  
“Four to five weeks maybe… The broken bones…”  
“Any chance I will heal faster?” Steve tensed up next to me and grabbed me by my arm. Reluctantly I let him pull me from the conference room into the hallway.  
“Look, I understand what you are going through right now. But for heaven’s sake be responsible about this. Look at me when I am talking to you. Damn it, Ann! He knew how stupid his plan was and believe me, I really tried everything to talk him out of going through with it. As much as he trusted me, getting you back was nothing he could let me do without him. I would have chained him up if it would have made a difference! He searched for you like a man possessed. God, he was like a wild beast during some interrogations. He wanted you to be safe! He wouldn’t want you to do anything without second guessing and at least giving your body some time to recover. This isn’t some bar fight you can just throw yourself into. It isn’t over with just getting him back. We need to find a way to free him of Hydra, once and for all. But I can’t do that when I have to keep you from doing something stupid at the same time.” I tensed up more and more with every word. I had a hard time admitting that Steve was actually right. I just felt so helpless.  
“What should I do Steve? I can’t sit around for weeks and do nothing else but wait for you to find a solution… He gave everything for me. How can I sit here and do anything less?”  
“I am not telling you that you can’t do anything, princess. I am telling you to be smart about it. We will find a way.” I nodded and let him pull me into him.  
“I need him back, Steve…”  
“I know. I promise to do everything I can to bring him back to you in one piece.”


	33. Chapter 33

I woke up to someone shaking me and calling my name.  
“Finally.” Natasha was kneeling on my bed and next to me. Her left cheek was a little red and I slapped my hands over my mouth.  
“Oh shit. Was that me?” She gave me a soft smile.  
“It’s not that bad. You were screaming and struggling again. The same dream?” I nodded and Nat laid back down next to me and scooted close.  
“We really need to figure something out, Ann. I can’t always spend the night with you. Not that it would bother me but I will be gone for a few days next week. And I can’t really ask Steve to keep cuddling with you during the night.” I hummed in agreement. It was now two weeks since I was back in New York and since then Natasha slept in my bed. The third night back from Siberia the nightmares had started and when I fell out of bed and hurt my head pretty bad, Nat had decided that she wouldn’t let me sleep alone until I felt better.  
The nightmare was always the same. Bucky was in a vast room, fixed to a chair with electrodes attached to his temples. There was some talking in russian and something was forcefully pushed between his teeth before they sent shockwaves through the electrodes. This was when I started struggling against the hands holding me down and making me watch. I screamed and lashed out but to no avail. Bucky looked at me with dead eyes, no hint of recognition in them.  
Just remembering the haunting dream sent a cold shiver down my spine.  
“Maybe Loki could…”  
“Hell, no! Don’t even think about it. The idiot doesn’t get permission to poke around in your head even if he was able to help. We both know that he would want something for his help and we won’t like what that might be.” I almost laughed at the part about US not liking the cost of the god’s help. I pulled the blanket tighter around us, hoping to get some more sleep.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was barely able to dodge when I walked down into the kitchen of the common area. A wet cloth hit the wall where barely a second before my head had been. What was this about now?  
Natasha was furious and stood as tall as possible for her in front of Steve with a death glare. Steve seemed to be shrinking with each jab Nat made with her finger against his chest.  
“... I dare you Rogers! Don’t you come to me with those half-cooked ideas of yours. You are not the one in her bed every night, hoping she gets some rest and not another nightmare. You think it will do any good that you might have an idea of an approach to the problem at hand?! What if it doesn’t lead anywhere? She gets her hopes up for nothing and feels better. And then what? Turns out it’s nothing and she is staring down the exact same fucking abyss she is now! Figure out first… Oh don’t you dare cut me off now, Rogers! YOU promised her to find a solution! Find one or make damned sure at least that it is one before talking to her! She…” I cleared my throat and both whirled around to face me. Nat huffed and Steve seemed like he wished for the ground to open and swallow him whole.  
“What was that all about?”, I asked and picked up the wet cloth from the kitchen floor. Rogers scratched the back of his head a little embarrassed. I raised my brows and looked from one Avenger to the other.  
“Well, I thought I might have found a way…”, Natasha cut right into the sentence.  
“Oh please, Steve. We both know that this is a very far fetched theory of an idea and we have no guarantee at all that it will be a success.” I let out a frustrated sigh.  
“Okay guys, why won’t any of you tell me what is going on? If Steve found something, I want to know even if it gets us nowhere. We have come up with nothing since we came back three weeks ago. It can’t possibly get any worse, can it?” Nat continued grumbling but in the end she agreed that it couldn’t do any more damage than we already had to deal with if we heard Steve’s idea.  
“Well… I was thinking if we might be somehow able to find out the exact words they used to turn Bucky into the Winter Soldier and use them to somehow invert the effect. Or maybe we could come up with something similar to the lullaby Nat uses to calm the Hulk down. Maybe I was seeing things but I thought for a second he reacted to you calling him James… I know this is as good as nothing and I am pulling on straws here but we need to start somewhere.” I sat on the kitchen counter and mused over his words.  
“It does sound like a plan. I just have no idea how we would go about any of them but it is still better than sitting around and doing nothing. What do you think, Nat?” She looked at me with a serious expression.  
“It took Bruce and me a very long time to figure out which words worked on him and the exact phrasing and gestures going along with it. We had time, which we don’t have now. And I have no idea how you want to figure out the words you need when you can’t exactly trigger him and just give it a try. It might be a different story if he was here but still… And those words they used on him… For that we need time to find someone who knows something. Then we need the right order. And then we need to figure out a way to use all of that to our advantage. I really am not sure if we should even go down that road.” I looked back at Steve who was now leaning against the counter next to me.  
“I won’t make any promises, Ann. I don’t even know if it will help us at all to find out those trigger words. They seemed rather arbitrary and you said you could recognise some of them being numbers. What if they don’t even make any sense? I can’t promise that a lullaby would even work on him. I’m really at a loss here, princess. And Natasha is right. I don’t even have an idea where to start and our success is even more questionable.”  
“How did you bring him back the last time?” Steve bit his lip and let out a sigh.  
“Honestly? I don’t know. He somehow managed to remember. When I finally found him he had already started to put his past back together. I helped him doing so until he was stable enough to bring him back with me. I wouldn’t call it a cure.” I let my feet dangle off the counter and fixed my eyes on a drop of soap on the ground.  
“We still have to try. Even if it leads to a dead end, I want to know what my bro… What Hunt said to him. Maybe we can invert it in some way if we just knew. It’s better than doing nothing and as good as anything else.” Steve and Nat shared a loo and then nodded.  
“There you are, kid.” Tony came strolling into the kitchen. “Been all over this place looking for you. I got your new scans. As we expected your DNA seems to have increased your regeneration rate. Most broken bones have already mended and Fury cleared you for training as long… Hey! I wasn’t finished!” I didn’t wait for Tony to finish and instead hopped off the kitchen counter and made my way downstairs. I really needed to work out and get some things out of my system.


	34. Chapter 34

The next days I was living somewhere between the kitchen and the workout space. For the first time I was actually glad there was this component to my blood that let me heal faster. Sore muscles were a thing of the past now and it was easier for me to get the hang of new techniques a lot faster. I didn’t take long for Clint to be fed up with getting his ass handed to him and he stated I should find someone else to spare with. He had always been a sore loser. Nat on the other hand had promised to teach me some of her tricks when she would return from Africa.  
“You’re down here again?”, Tony huffed. He didn’t like how much time I spent working out these days.  
“It helps me to fall asleep if I tire myself out.” I kicked the punching bag hard. Tony leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face.  
“Could you stop that for a second? We need to talk, kid.” I took my towel from the boxing ring and rubbed it over my heated face before walking over to him and slumping down on one of the benches.  
“Did Tasha tell you what she is doing in Africa?” I shook my head. The only thing she told me was that it was something personal.  
“She is looking for someone. Someone who might actually be able to help us with Barnes.” He let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the bench opposite of me. “You know, when Rogers first brought him here, all I saw was that monster that murdered my parents in cold blood. I wanted to kill him, to make him suffer the way they had to suffer from his hands. But when I began to understand what Hydra really did to him and what they took from him… I realised he was just as much of a victim as the people Hydra ordered him to kill. I know he feels responsible for every single death at the hands of the Winter Soldier even if he can’t remember most of what he did. Somehow Steve managed to make him remember who he used to be. And the longer he was separated from Hydra’s influence, the more he remembered and became himself again. We need to find a way to isolate him long enough so we can get through to him. And maybe the man Natasha tries to find can help us with that.”  
“What then? It doesn’t solve the main problem here. We would need to get a hold of him in the first place. And how do you intend to keep him separated? You want to chain him up in some underground bunker?” I wanted to believe that there was a way, I really did. There was just so much that had to be kept in mind.  
“Everything after we get a hold on him is up to you and Rogers. He is currently trying to track down someone who knows something about how they brought Barnes under control. He hopes to find a solution once he knows those damned trigger words. If and to what extent that will do any good we won’t know until we try. I want you to pay a little more attention to yourself until then. I know you got stronger and faster after whatever they injected you with but Barton is hardly an opponent when it comes to close combat. Thor will be coming down from Asgard in a few days and he will be put in charge of your training. It is important that we know what skills you developed and to bring them under control as soon as possible. The reason is simple: you don’t have control, you endanger yourself and everybody else.” That made kind of sense to me.  
“Oh and one more thing Ann…” Tony had stopped at the door, short of leaving the gym. “You really should talk to Loki about those nightmares. Not alone. Someone will be with you if you do so. I don’t trust our new friend farther than Bruce can throw him. Sadly he is the only one who might be able to help here.” I bit my tongue in order not to make a sarcastic comment to that suggestion. I only gave Stark the thumbs up which made him smirk and playfully roll his eyes before leaving. I knew he was right about Loki. That didn’t mean I had to like the idea. At least I wouldn’t have to put up with the god alone. My mind kept wondering who this man Natasha was seeking out might be. Why didn’t she just tell me why she went to Africa? Still musing about it I made my way towards the kitchen.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was spreading some tartar sauce on my sandwich when somebody suddenly grabbed me by my shoulder.  
“What is my precious little valkyrie doing in the kitchen at this late hour?” I panicked as I hadn’t seen this coming and without thinking, I whirled around with the knife in hand and just stabbed whoever was behind me. I rammed it right into the man’s shoulder. Well, in that case into the god’s shoulder. Loi looked at me with wide eyes and must have been as surprised as I was. Of course it was right this second that the other god strolled into the kitchen as well and stopped dead in his tracks.  
“You got something in your shoulder, brother.” I almost screamed out a laugh and cut only keep it in by biting my tongue.  
“Hey, what’s up? Holy shit, what happened to your shoulder?!” Clint looked from Loki to me and gave me a look that told me he was actually thinking about putting me into an asylum right away. I was done, I laughed so hard my stomach and sides started to hurt. Tears started running down my cheeks because I laughed so hard when finally the anxiety of the last weeks crashed.  
I really wanted to explain the situation to him but didn’t get enough air into my lungs at this point. I still tried to calm down when Steve entered the kitchen as well. I was leaning against the table, somehow trying to get the giggles under control. Clint was sitting on the floor, clutching his stomach and laughing hard and loud. Loki still stood there and tried to somehow understand the situation he found himself in while his brother poked the knife’s handle sticking from his shoulder with naiv curiosity.  
“If Fury was here right now…” Steve brushed his hand over his face and shook his head while I broke into another fit of laughter. “Okay, enough of this. Barton, get up and at least sit down like a civilized person. Ann, you are coming with me. And would someone remove the knife already? Is that tartar sauce?”  
“I was just making a sandwich when that idiot scared me.”, I pressed out between gritted teeth.  
“Whatever. Remove it, that can’t be healthy. And you get moving.” Steve took my hand with an annoyed expression and pulled me with him. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw that Thor and Clint were getting ready to pull the knife from Loki’s shoulder.

“Where are we going?”  
“Meeting Natasha. She should be back now any minute. We want you to meet someone.” I followed him up to the helicopter landing pad in silence. The jet was just lowering its hatch when we arrived and Natasha came out, followed by an african man in a dark suit. He had something predatory about him in the way he moved. As soon as they reached us, I threw my arms around Nat, telling her that I was glad she was back home.  
“Ann, I want you to meet T’Challa, king of Wakanda. He might be able to help us with Barnes.” The tall male bowed his head and gave me a small smile.  
“I am pleased to meet you, Miss Evans. Miss Romanov told me quite the story about you. And I hope that I might be of help to you.”


End file.
